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No sex again?!?!

Okay so ever since my DFs and my son was born our sex life has SUCKED, well it started getting better a little then it just stopped again, its not me its him, he says he is old and not into it anymore (mind you he is only 30), and all the stress he is under he says he just has more important thing to think about rather than getting laid. I know he isnt looking at porn and to be honest I dont even think he is "doing it himself", and I know there isnt anyone else so WTH is the deal, why is he just not wanting to have sex with me? I have asked him if its something with me that he doesnt like and he always says no, there is just too much else going on for him to even care about it now. Is this normal? How can I talk to him and let him know that I think it needs to change? Or should I just leave it be?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Apr. 21, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Is he depressed? A great deal of stress can really make things hard on the body. Depression, stress, weight gain - they can all decrease sex drive in men and women. It sounds like he really is telling the truth. My husband and I went through a time like that for both of us. There was a lot going on at work and our son was having some medical problems so by the end of the day, we were so stressed and so exhausted, sex was the last thing on our mind. But we got over it and now things are great. Try to be supportive and see if there is something you can do to take the stress off of him.

    Answer by DDry at 4:26 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • maybe he is being truthful, give it a little time

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 4:17 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • give it some time. stress can affect them more than we realize when it comes to sex, and he has the added stress of wanting to provide for you and baby now. give it time, don't stress him about it more or he will feel more stress about it. just approach him and try to initiate every once in awhile, if he says hes not in the mood hes not in the mood. if he is than great.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 4:20 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • if he's looking at porn that could be a huge factor. also is he depressed? I suggest you go to counseling and ask him to give up porn. sex is a HUGE part of marriage!

    Answer by Precious333 at 4:20 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I suggest he go to his doctor and have a complete physical. It could be a thyroid issue, depression, a lot of things.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 4:24 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Aw poor guy. Get him to go to the doctor for a thorough check up to rule out physical problems. He may really be too tired or stressed. Ideally you could talk to the doctor and tell him or her what it is all about, maybe a "him" would be more likely to get a discussion about intimate matters. If he is feeling run down then a physical might help. A good quality multivitamin might help. Carefully do not mention the sex problem when you help him arrange for the physical exam, just say it is time at age 30 for him to get one, and if you can't talk to the doctor, suggest that he talk to the doctor about his sex drive. You don't want to put any pressure on him, that would only make it worse. If you and he are drifting apart, then get some alone time with him, not having sex, just talking and enjoying doing something you both like- strolling, movies, music, etc.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:25 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Sex is an important part of a serious relationship. If he's not going to come up off of it now and you are not married yet, it won't get better after the wedding. I'd be asking him what he wants me to do about my sexual needs.

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:54 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • If he's still looking at porn then he's not too turned off by sex. If it is stress give it time. If it's depression ask him whats bothering him .and that you want to now the truth. and help him through it.

    Answer by incarnita at 5:25 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Is he depressed? On any meds? Is he stressed out? These can effect a man's libido. Have you tried talking to him about seeing a doctor?

    Answer by dawn_misayo at 5:35 PM on Apr. 21, 2009