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I have an autistic toddler. My mother keeps him overnight every once and awhile so I can catch up on sleep. My mother in law and husband don't think it's fair that he can stay the night there but not at MIL's house. He's rarely ever at mil's and I don't feel comfortable with him staying the night there. What can I do to make this not be an issue?!

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Krystal.Ingalls

Asked by Krystal.Ingalls at 8:24 PM on Apr. 21, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,737 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • could he spend more time there during the day? is that the only reason you aren't comfy with him spending the night? b/c he doesn't spend enough time there? or you could suggest they come spend the night with you the first few times that way if they can't handle something you are right there not across town or something. and you can show them what to do that way you are more comfy with him going there.
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 8:26 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Let the inlaws take him for a few hours at a time so he can get used to them, work up to him being able to sleepover at their house too. It is unfair that the inlaws don't get the same time with him as your parents. Unless there is a reason that you don't want your son at the inlaws and if that is the case you need to talk to the inlaws about it. If the reason is just that you don't like the inlaws, that isn't fair. Give them a chance. The inlaws and your son both need to have the chance to get to know each other.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:27 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Let me just say that I am in the 'I dont want my toddler staying over at my MIL's house' as well. My reasons may be different then yours but you need to sit your husband down and tell him that you feel uncomfortable if he would stay the night there. Tell him all the reasons and let him explain his side. Then try to come to a medium and collaborate something that would please him & your MIL. Like she take him out to lunch/breakfast or go shopping with him, or take him to your local park. Somewhere where you feel comfortable. Then if (and it's okay if you dont) you feel comfortable, let him stay over at her house for a few hours.
    cthorn14

    Answer by cthorn14 at 8:28 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • He goes over there sometimes during the days. But I hate it! They smoke in the house too much. My son seriously comes home smelling like cigarettes every time he's over there and that can't be healthy! You can see the discoloring on the walls from the smoke...would u want your child there? My mom does not smoke or drink and has been a daycare provider for years. Oh! 1 more thing...my mil seems to think it is ok to drink with my son there. There's nothing good about it and she has told my own mother that I am "too immature to have a baby" which is really hurtful considering I've done everything for my child these past 17 months. I don't want him to go there, but hubby's throwing a fit and she's continuously running her mouth....suggestions?
    Krystal.Ingalls

    Answer by Krystal.Ingalls at 8:36 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • i think if ur not comfortable with let ur son spend the night there then u shouldnt let him. but here a thought to get them off ur back try to give him up for one night and let him sleep there and see how he reacts. not to sound rude but u said hes autistic and with my experience of having nephews who have fragile x they tend not to sleep calmly in new places even if it is there grandparents house ,hell all kids dont like sleeping in new places. and if u do do through wit the plan i am sound like a bad parent for wat im about to say but pump him up wit sugar b4 u send him and he will really drive them crazy and im sure she wont ask y u dont let him sleep over lol.and ignore the mil they always running there mouths lol.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • It would have been helpful to know about the smoking and drinking when you asked the question because that is really the issue. On the other hand, you are the mother of an autistic toddler and there is a long road ahead of you...it is great that you have people in your life and in your son's life who want to be such a big part of his life! Is there any way you can encourage their involvement in ways you are comfortable with? You will be grateful to have as much support as possible in times to come! I can see your concerns with the cigarettes and the drinking, though....that is almost impossible to get past!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 10:01 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

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