Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Why? Why? Why?

Why is it that when a man goes out to work, it's what he's "supposed" to do, but when a mother goes out to work, she's considered a "bad mother"? Since when does the responsibilities of parenting fall solely on the mother's shoulders?

Mothers take on at least 90% of the caring of the child. whether or not she's working. Mothers are expected to change th dirty diapers, feed the baby (if they are exclusively breast feeding), do the laundry, clean the house, plan menus and cook meals, wipe runny noses, put the kids to bed, etc. Men help out some, but they don't do anywhere near the amount of work the mother does.

She can't get tired, or discouraged, or frustrated, because that would make her a "bad mother".

If she decides to take her child to McD's for dinner, just so she can have a break from cooking, then she's a "lazy mother". And on and on and on...

Why do we put so much pressure on mothers?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Apr. 21, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Parents who put their kids in daycare for a certain number of hours a week are still 100% parents and are still raising their kids! I don't think having your kids in day care while you work makes you less of a parent...being a parent is a 24/7 job whether you work or not! If your kids are your #1 priority whether you work or not, they know it and they benefit from that. I don't think most people who work are focusing on material things over their kids! I have seen many stay at home moms who are extremely focused on material things and have more material things than many of the moms who work and STILL judge the working moms as materialistic! Honestly, I think many stay at home moms (not all,of course!) use their kids as an excuse not to work,especially once the kids are school-aged! I have been a working mom and a stay at home mom and I am the same person/parent in either situation! All this judging has to stop, but it won't!

    Answer by BJoan at 9:56 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Being a mother involves a certain amount of self sacrifice, but does that mean she can have NO self identity?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I'd love to hear from some of you wonderful feminists (I am a feminist too)!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • hey do me a favor and go non anon. just because i want to say that being a working mom does NOT make you a bad mother! and neither do the other things lol. if anyone ever called me a bad mother for taking my son to mcdonalds i would probably slap them silly.

    what i dont get is that when a dad stays and takes care of his kids hes SUCH A GOOD PERSON and if he takes care of the child alone while the mother goes out he should get father of the year but if a woman does it shes just doing what shes supposed to.

    Answer by aliciatron at 8:51 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Maybe because often men are bums. I don't know. A mom will so rarely abandon their child which is why they bust their rump for their kid. You bring up a good point.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:47 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • I understand that some single moms have to work to provide for themselves and their children. However, I have a problem with women who have kids knowing that they are gonna go right back to work because they think they can do it all, and they feel that having all the material things is more important than staying home and putting their kids first. If you're gonna have kids just to dump them off in daycare all day so you can work to have a higher standard of living, or to afford the finer things in life, why bother having kids? If you're gonna have kids, stay home and raise them, don't dump them off on someone else to raise.
    My heart breaks for those children who were raised in a daycare center or by someone other than their parent, because their parents were too selfish to sacrifice a few years of their life to be with their kids.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:56 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • WOW, I must be a horrible mom. I am a single mom, I work and will be going back to school in May. I had to put my son in daycare so I could work to provide clothes, food, a roof over his head. That doesn't make me a bad mother, it makes me a good mother for providing for my son. Not everyone is lucky enough to be able to stay home or have my son's father help provide. I had no choice but to do it all alone.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:22 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • AMEN ANON :56!!!!
    Put your babies in Kennels for kids and then see them become crabby, angry, hateful little bullies, because they don't get enough attention... Take them to McD's for a healthy supper on the way home from work and the kennel and then wipe their butts from the tummy ache they got from that "healthy" supper you "bought" them.. Now feel good when you go to bed and have to do it all over again the next day!! Don't make any scarifices for your children, so then when you're old and feeble they will forget you exist...
    As for SINGLE moms, you do what you gotta do, but remember when you start to feel the urge to gripe about how hard it is, that YOU made the CHOICE to be single!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Answered at 10:22 PM on Apr. 21, 2009 by: tyfry7496
    WOW, I must be a horrible mom...

    I don't think you're a horrible mom... I was talking about women who's husbands make plenty of money to support their family, but they opt for the mom to work just so they can afford more material things, nicer cars, bigger home etc. I feel for single moms who have to work and don't have the choice to stay home and raise their kids.

    However, so many moms are single because they were having sex when they aren't in a stable married relationship and because of that, the children are the ones who suffer.


    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Apr. 21, 2009

  • Sometimes moms want to work just because it's something they enjoy doing...what's so wrong with that? Why is it automatically the MOM's responsibility to stay home? Why can't the dad?

    And since when is marriage a guarantee of stability? Why is the divorce rate so high in this country then?

    Answer by Fallaya at 11:07 PM on Apr. 21, 2009