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Am I the only one who thinks this is inappropriate?

My sister recently lost a a newborn child. At the funeral there are going to be other children there, everyone has the right to say good-bye to the deceased, but the father's cousin did not attend the funeral... Instead she came to the family dinner with her 2 month old son. I felt so terrible for my sister. She tried to avoid the woman and her child every chance she could. but how are you going to do that when there's only a select amount of people there? When she couldn't avoid the woman and the child she would cry. You could tell she was trying to be polite and hide her tears... but there was so much hurt in her eyes. Am I the only one who thinks it was inappropriate for this woman to show up with her child at the family dinner?? I felt that if she couldn't find someone to watch her child then she should not have gone (well to the dinner ne ways). My sister went thru enuf and she did not need that.


Asked by Anonymous at 7:37 AM on Apr. 22, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

This question is closed.
Answers (239)
  • i agree, it is inapppopriate. a friend of ours had a son about 2 weeks younger than my dd. about dd turned 2 months old, the family called dh and let him know that the boy had died. we decided against going to the funeral since we had noone to watch dd and i didnt feel right taking her to the baby's funeral.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • It was inappropriate, but I would give her the benefit of the doubt that she probably just didn't think. She wanted to show her support and just really didn't think about how it would make your sister feel. It was insensitive, but I would want to think it wasn't intentional. I am sorry for your sister's, and your entire family's, loss.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 7:39 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • deeply sorry for you and your family's loss. I too think it was inappropriate, but probably un-intentional as well. I couldn't imagine anyone being so cruel to purposely bring their child knowing it would hurt her more....

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 7:42 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • i don't think it was inappropriate ... i mean have you ever needed/wanted to be somewhere but didn't have a sitter? i have and its hard , you don't know whether to be rude and not go , or be rude (to some) and go w/ your baby ... your sister is going to see babies EVERYWHERE ... its going to be hard ; yea but she cant just expect EVERY mother (or father) to leave their baby elsewhere or leave for her

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Did you ever yhink that she really wanted to show her support and had noone to watch her BB?
    Its sounds like not only a real hard situation for your sis but for the other mom as well. Sometimes you have to just let things go in this type of thing. This sounds almost unbearable, so there is no right or wrong here.
    I am so sorry for your Family.

    Answer by bristle3kids at 8:24 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • My SIL lost her son at 33 weeks. At the time our son was fairly young-- I couldn't believe it but she actually wanted to see him and hold him and be next to him. I think everyone reacts differently in that situation. If it were me I wouldn't want to see other children, but some people do. She didn't know, so I don't think it was a problem for her to bring her baby.

    Answer by Erica_Smerica at 8:25 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I do agree that yes it was inappropriate, but I am sure she meant nothing by it. Yes the woman should have simply sent a card of sympathy and apologized for not being able to attend if she could not find a sitter. The person above is right... she is going to see babies everywhere and its very hard. But I believe her child's funeral dinner is not the place for her to have to worry about such as issue.

    Answer by hostlerak at 8:28 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Its not really inappropriate as in just wrong, but she wanted to show her love and support and she has a child. The child goes with the mother. I know this mom probably felt horrible for having her baby there, but its still part of life. That means she cant go into the grocery store or walmart without seeing other babies. My sil went through this and though we tried to be considerate....we didnt stop our lives. Actually, I ended up pregnant not too long after her babys death and I felt so guilty. We talked about it openly though and she was happy for me even though it made her sad.

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:39 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I am truly sorry for the family's loss.

    I think it's inappropriate for you to assume things not in evidence.

    As mentioned before, how do you know that the cousin wasn't trying to show her support and didn't have a sitter. I think it was more appropriate that she come to the family dinner rather than bring a baby (who might cry during) to the funeral.

    Did everyone else with kids not attend the dinner? Did someone tell the cousin not to come with the baby and she did it anyway (that would have been inappropriate)?

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I think someone in the family should have told her ahead of time to find a sitter. She probably just did not think about it. Or someone like an older person should have approached her and asked her to leave. Rude as it may seem, that is what should have happened.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 9:09 AM on Apr. 22, 2009