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How do I get his attention in a positive way?

So my husband has a very demanding job, he works anywhere from 50 to 90 hours a week, so needless to say we sometimes don't get to spend very much time together and he can be very tired. Lately he's so tired (working a lot more night shifts right now) that he is not being very attentive to me. He is not helping a lot around the house or with our son; again, I think this has a lot to do with being so tired... and he's not being very affectionate with me. I've tried to talk to him about it but he keeps telling me that being as tired as he is doesn't put him in the best of moods and doesn't give him much time for me. I don't want to nag him too much because I know if I was in that situation I could probably relate. What do I do... I'm starting to get very depressed and lonely.


Asked by Anonymous at 9:44 AM on Apr. 22, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • definitely do not nag or even talk. LISTEN. Listen to his needs, ask him what his needs are. I know you are tired too, but it sounds like right now he really needs your help so I think self sacrifice on your part would be worth the effort. Do something for him that you know he will appreciate. Like a massage maybe... and maybe that will lead to something else kwim? Or maybe sometime get a babysitter and surprise him with a nice romantic dinner with his favorite meal and wear something sexy. While doing these things make the focus around him by asking him a question or two that will get him to open up. Even the simplest question like..... how was your day and just allow that time to listen to him. I hope this helps. I'm sorry things have been so hard, I've been there too.

    Answer by Precious333 at 11:25 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Wait and find him in a good mood and have a seat down with him. I soory if im not much help. I have a very open relationship with my SO and we have talks when something comes up not matter how tired we are.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:52 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • If you find something out, will you let me know? I'm in the same boat, and it's been this way four about three MONTHS. It's killing me softly. (haha) and im also depressed and its only getting worse. and on TOP of all that I'm pregnant so my emotions run wild at the same time!!!

    Answer by mommykayti at 10:01 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • My husband and I are in counseling for this. You need to catch him on a day off when he has had time to sleep. Let him know first off how much you appreciate him working as hard as he is. Tell him you love him and miss spending time with him. Ask him if you could do anything to help him out to possible make him less tired so he can spend more time with you and the kids. Let him know that you all love him and miss him and your understanding of his job but you would also like a little help and a little of his time as well. Let him know your not complaining or bitc*ing about his job or the hours and you full understand he has to work and ask him if maybe he could cut back a little and spend some time with you and the kids. Don't approach him in a demanding, negative way and things may go differently. Ask him if you can do anything to help improve his mood and his time while he is at home so you and the kids get love&time.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 10:11 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • #1. When he comes home from work, give him head. This will lighten the mood.
    #2. Ask him if there is anything you can do besides that to relax him...run a bath, etc.
    #3. While he's in the bath, chat, but don't bitch. Tell him you miss spending time with him, plan a weekend together, etc. If he is relaxed he is more apt to listen to you
    #4. Repeat as necessary.

    Answer by kbates1208 at 10:47 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • btw... my husband and I almost divorce.... I would say that listening to his needs and acting upon this was one of the biggest things that saved our marriage. I was feeling the same way as you before I knew we were headed in that direction.... but we got through it (my husband was depressed too and working two jobs)

    Answer by Precious333 at 11:28 AM on Apr. 22, 2009