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Is my 8 year old son to young to be so curious?

Just recently I found 3 pair of womens underwear in my son's room. We have 5 boys in our house right now so we were trying to figure out where they came from. One of them finally told us it was my 8 year old son. I asked him about it & told him I knew the truth & he started crying & said it was him. I asked him where he got them from & he said he took it from his dad's girlfriend. I asked why & he said I dont know I was just curious. I told him its ok to be curious but I would rather you talk to me, dad or your step dad so that we can be honest & give you the answers you are looking for. I didnt yell at him b/c I dont want him to feel like its wrong to be curious, but I did tell him that he should not go through someone else's belongings especially something like that since its so personal. My husband thinks i should tell his dad but i dont want his girlfriend to be weirded out about it or act weird around my son. Any advice?

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Apr. 22, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Answers (9)
  • I think you should tell the dad. If his g/f is in a serious relationship w/ him...then she's probably mature enough to understand that your son is only 8 years old and is in a curiosity stage... It shouldn't freak her out enough to act weird around him. He's a boy! Boys are weird in general! Look at our husbands for example! lol. I think she'd understand...

    Answer by Kaytlynsmommy at 10:11 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • How weird was it for you to figure out you were holding your ex's girlfriends panties...feeling for you. I think you did the right thing..not sure if you should tell the dad. It would depend on the person and you think he would handle it. Maybe try to get some books and address your son's curiosity, he probably won't ask questions..he is showing you that he is give him some age appropriate info.

    Answer by ria7 at 10:14 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I think you handled it well. I think you should go over the anatomy and boy girl maturation with him.. at the 8 year old level

    Answer by MELRN at 10:17 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I don't know.... it broke my heart to hear that he immediately started crying when you confronted him about it. He obviously knew it was wrong and must have felt embarrassment/shame about it otherwise he wouldn't have cried....

    Part of me says, tell the Dad.... the other part of me says keep it to yourself. I guess you'll have to figure that one out since you know your ex and maybe you can judge how he will react to this. Hopefully, this is nothing to worry about.... but, I would worry about the dad and his girl friend freaking out and embarrassing your son more. Shame is a powerful thing and it can hurt deeply. Good Luck!!


    Answer by VeronicaLee at 10:17 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I would wash up the underwear and put it in a bag and speak to his gf yourself and him. talk to them while your son is in school or outside playing. Let them both know what you found and tell them his reasoning and let them know you have talked with him about it and have let him know to not get into her personal belongings again. Ask them both to just watch him while he is there and to sit him down and speak with him and not embarrass him over it. You all need to be in communication over this and the more adult all 4 of you can be the better for him. Just make sure you all on the same page in dealing with him to avoid judging him or scaring him for life over curiosity.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 10:18 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • You handled that VERY well! Good job mom. I don't think I would tell the GF. I don't know if thats wrong or right, but its just what I would do....LOL I might just toss them and let her wonder where they went...LOL

    Answer by momofsaee at 10:22 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • She won't she might feel embarrassed alittle but laugh at the same time she might be hoping he got the pretty ones not the granny panty ones. I would mention it to the dad you don't want ur son to do this again even though you spoken to him about it already. The gf needs to keep her stuff hid alttle better. I wouldn't worry too much about it. No harm done.

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:27 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I think if you felt at the time to bring it up to his father before you spoke to your son than I think it would have been appropriate. Those type of things can be very time sensitive. If you bring it up again, or your exhusband brings it up to him later, he may feel like the situation can never be lived down. I'm not sure of how open the relationship is between you and your exhusband. That in itself can make all the difference. I think you resolved the situation and any parent would agree that what happens in the respective parents house is delt with by that parent unless it specifically involves safety or an on-going behavior. You handled the situation. If something happened again, I would bring it up to your ex and approach the situation together. I think you did the right thing!

    Answer by TaiyoandMe at 11:36 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I'd get him a copy of a "growing up" book - most are aimed at 8 to 12 year olds - and let him know that if he has any questions about anything that is in the book or anything that ISN'T in the book, the you will answer him honestly or help him find the answers if you don't know.

    Here's one I found:

    Answer by kaycee14 at 4:39 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

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