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Question....Advice Please

Ok, if you have read my post, you already know I have 16 yr old ss who has no chores, and never has been given any. I have had a talk with dh about this and last night ss ask for some money to go out with his friends to dinner. Remember, he just got back from a trip that cost us 500. 00 bucks. So dh told ss to wash the dishes. There were about 8 things in the sink btw and he would give him some money and a ride. SS threw a fit, literally, threw a fit like a five yr old and went to his room and never did the dishes nor did he go to dinner with his friends. However, the situation is not resolved because the dishes are still sitting in the sink. What can I tell dh to get him to follow up with this, because ss should not get his way by throwing a fit and pouting. I stayed out of the whole ordeal and will continue to do so but dh needs guidence in what to do next because he has never dealt with this kid this way.

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mom_wrhsc

Asked by mom_wrhsc at 11:11 AM on Apr. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (23 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Well if he has lived 16 years without chores or learning that earning money requires some sort of work being told to do chores NOW at 16 isn't going to do much. At this point chores are just not good enough. He is 16 and certainly old enough for a job. He can work at a grocery store or a store in the mall or a fast food place. Rather than chores that will cause hi to act like a toddler, tell him he is cut off and if he wants his own spending money for dinner, clothes, trips he needs a JOB to start earning that money himself. It's the best thing you can do for him at this point.
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 11:15 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I do not have a teen so I don't really know that much, but I have been reading a book called "positive discipline" and taking a class that has been really helpful. They also have one for teens as well... I believe a book but for sure a class as well in my area at least. All I know is that certain things are privileges, not rights... like money, computer, TV internet etc. I think consequences should be appropriate to the action. For instance they abuse a privilege then you take that privilege away. Also, I think its good to set up habit where doing something positive... like cleaning the dishes should not have an award attached to it. It should be a given that he helps clean up, a characteristic you want him to learn so when he gets older he will know how to take care of himself... its a learning experience kwim? Just my thoughts. I hope you find a positive solution.
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 11:19 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • easy. Tell him he can't do anything but do homework & go to school. If he wants to hang with friends then he needs to take responsibility in the house too. No need to get angry or yell. He will eventually learn how to do the dishes if he wants to go out with friends. Does he have a job, or does dad give him an allowance? My child is 7, & she will not get her allowance until she does SOMETHING around the house. It is now habit for her. He will pitch a fit, & act like a five year old, but he will get over it if he wants to hang out with his friends. No need to yell, tell him what has to be done if he wants to do what he wants to do. He'll learn.

    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:31 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • His dad gives him anything and everything he wants or needs without hesitation of any kind and does not ask for anything in return.
    mom_wrhsc

    Answer by mom_wrhsc at 11:36 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I wouldn't make him do dishes... for a male that's never had to do anything, I think it was kinda wrong to ask him to do a job he might see as "girly". At that age... I'd cut the money off from him and make him get a job if he wants money. I'd have to explain to him that the house doesn't clean itself, the bills don't pay themselves and the gas in the vehicles don't replenish themselves. I was an adult and horrible about spending money till I got a job and realized that I had to work over two hours for a CD, and I broke everything down in how much time I had to work for it and it helped me to stop spending so much. I do that with my kids too, when they want a movie, I point out that their Dad had to work an hour for it, and if I were working I'd have to had work 3 because I'd get paid less since I don't have any higher education or training (incentive to excel in school I hope). Anyways... cut him off.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:57 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • He can't possibly see it as girly when my 21 yr son does them, my dh does them and bil does them at every dinner at mil's house and ss is there to see all this.
    mom_wrhsc

    Answer by mom_wrhsc at 9:52 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

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