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lost baby..

I just found out a friend of mine lost her baby the day she was due.. im 33 weeks pregnant and i want to see her and show her im here for her but i feel guilty still being pregnant. also, im not quite sure what the appropriate response is, or how to act around her. i dont want to be sad and mopey because that will just make her cry, but maybe thats what she needs. this is really hard! this was my biggest fear when i first found out i was pregnant, and now its happened to a friend; ive been holding my breath until my kid moves for the last 24 hours since finding out.. any advice would be great! thanks!

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Asked by USMC_Elisa at 11:30 AM on Apr. 22, 2009 in Pregnancy

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Answers (7)
  • There is nothing you say or do but be there for her. I couldn't imagine going through that! Do they know why she lost it?? And don't worry yourself.. Just keep going on with your pregnancy and don't stress and worry. Just be there for your friend, don't bring up your baby unless she does. Be a shoulder for her to cry on.

    Answer by amy31308 at 11:34 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • having been TTC for years with miscarriages, it was so hard being around others with kids. id probably call her and talk to her first, and being blunt and asking if it would bother her to see you would probably be best. i had pregnant friends ask if i was okay with their presence before, and i always answered truthfully and they were respectful. seeing that you are aware of her pain is probably more comforting than staying away and saying nothing. plus, you might be surprised if it brings her some comfort to be around you and your expected bundle. i actually started a daycare in my home when i couldnt conceive...i did that til i could afford IVF and havin my own bundle now. it was the best thing ever. be there for her is the best thing. good luck to you and my sympathies.

    Answer by FoxyRoxyMommy at 11:38 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Honey I'm so sorry. You're a great friend to be concerned for your friend in her time of loss. All you can do is be there when she needs to vent and let her cry if she needs to do so. Don't avoid her. Of course she will feel loss even still seeing you pregnant but don't leave her alone right now.

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 11:41 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Send her a card.

    Answer by RyleeMendez at 11:47 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I had a miscarriage two months ago, and I can tell you that it was really hard being around my friends. Because it seemed like everyone that I know was pregnant or had just had a baby. Maybe just giving her a call and letting her know if she needs anything to please let you know and let her know that you are there for her if she needs to talk. It's really hard losing a baby. I would just give her space.

    Answer by beingamomrocks1 at 12:01 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Oh please do more than just send her a card. I agree that you should call her first, ask if it's ok to come over and if it's not comfort her over the phone as much as she will let you. Then maybe wait a few days and call again. Once she's ready for you to visit, bring things that you know she loves like maybe one of those "make you feel good" movies or her favorite food. Make her dinner, do anything for her.

    If I were her I'd be falling apart. :/ Please don't ignore her.

    Answer by ours at 12:30 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • yeah.. shes still in the hospital and i called and just asked if she was accepting visitors and if it was okay that i come to see her before i just dropped in on her. i dont talk about my pregnancy period unless she wants to. and i want to give her like a little tree to plant.. to me, flowers die, a plant can grow and prosper and she can kinda do it in her baby's honor.. i was amazed at how strong she was today, didnt look sad, didnt cry, i know shes hurting still but my god she amazes me with her strength. please send your prayers her way, she needs them (her husband wasnt even there for this they are flying him home from iraq as we speak so thats been tough on her too) i appreciate all the help!!

    Answer by USMC_Elisa at 10:50 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

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