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I feel like he doesnt love me if we dont have sex

My SO and I dont have the best se life its maybe a once a week thing, but I on the other hand feel like if we dont have sex everyday its because he doesnt love me or want me, he says its because we have a baby and he is under alot of stress, but is it normal to feel this way just because we are not having sex everyday? Can this have something to do with the fact that I was molested as a child?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:48 AM on Apr. 22, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • I think it has everything to do with the fact you were molested. It took me years and years to realize that sex doesn't equal love and love doesn't equal sex. I read a book called "courage to heal" that helped me out quite a bit. I had to weigh out everything in my mind with how my husband shows me his love. The bedroom ranked pretty low on the list once I got it on paper.
    I'd rather have someone that treated me great outside the bedroom than inside the bedroom since we spend so little time there.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 12:37 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • No, it's not normal. Perhaps some therapy might help you to find the source of these feelings.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 11:50 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I think that maybe you feel this was because you were molested as a child. Not him feeling this way, but you. And me and my dh have been together for 7 years and we only have sex MAYBE once a week...we have 2 kids now. We used to have sex all the time, but now we're both too tired and lazy. lol. I think it's just something that happens after you've been with someone for a while and especially if you've got kids....

    Answer by Kaytlynsmommy at 11:59 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Does he show you his love in other ways... did you tell him how it makes you feel???


    Answer by Dannee at 12:00 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Dannee----yes he does he always gives me hugs and kisses, and tell me he loves me, its just the sex thats all that I feel is lacking

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:05 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I think it's normal you feel this way. I went through the same situation as you as a child for 4 years. My husband and I have been together for over 10 years and he was the first person I really opened up to sexually...after about 6 years of being together. It's something hard to deal with. I go through these feelings now that I am pregnant, wondering if he's not in the mood because of how I look now. but...we've have been going through alot many other couples are and I think a man feels the stress more if hes unable to provide for his family..I finally dragged it out of him that this was the issue not me, even though I have been feeling like it was me. Talk to your husband, assure him that even if he thinks he will hurt you that he needs to open up to you, he's your partner and should be able to be open with you specially when it's affecting your relationship. good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:07 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • the feeling of rejection or not feeling wanted affects women who were not molested as children. Are you wanting mere sex or intimacy, there is a difference. Tell him what you need and why. Maybe that will help

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:50 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I think alot of couples that have babies seem to think their sex lives arent like they should be. My husband and I dont have sex near as much as either of us would like. But we have a two year old and are exhausted when it comes time to go to bed. And our son doesnt take naps anymore so it doesnt leave much time for it. I'm sure he loves you, maybe hes just wore out from working and things. Talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel. But im sure it will eventually work out where you two have more time to spend together.

    Answer by beingamomrocks1 at 1:03 PM on Apr. 22, 2009