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How to deal with friends husband without hurting friend?

My friend is married to an asshole, I know this , she is the first to admit it, but I try to keep my mouth shut about it. Lately it is starting to affect me more and more. I am a sahm and she is to. They only have 1 car and he refuses to leave it with her. He tells her all the time to have me take her if she has any errends to run. I am not just talking about going to the grocery store, that can be done after he gets home, but like Dr apts for her kids, teacher conferences, stuff like that that has to be done during the day. He will even call me and as soon as I answer, he is already rude and saying where the hell is she? If I tell him I couldnt take her somewhere he wants to yell at me and interrogate me asking why not. The thing is I dont get any advance warning, he says he will let her keep the car, and then doesnt get her up in the morning or flat out refuses if she does get up, and she is calling me first (cont)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Apr. 22, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • He has a lot of nerves....his children, his wife, his responsibilities, not yours...the next time he calls cursing you out for not doing his job, tell him to kick rocks!!! She needs to stand up for herself because she's involving innocent people in her business with her low down hubby!
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 2:21 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Thing in the morning saying hey I need help can you please take us. Well I have my own stuff to do to and sometimes I can't. He even called me cussing me out the other day because she called his grandma to take her when I had another apt that I had to be at and couldnt. Asking why I didnt and that I should feel bad that she had to get his grandma out of the house. Thing is I know she needs the help, she isnt rude about it at all, is very understanding when I can't, knows he is mostly to blame, and I want to help HER if I can. But I know it is going to continue if I dont put my foot down and I am to the point that I am fixing to say no I cant help at all, just to get him to realize she needs toe car and will stop depending on me. There are times I have put off my stuff cause I know she really needs to have whatever done. And it is just a controll issue with their car, not like she doesnt have a liscense or something legit.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I don't see how standing up for yourself can hurt her. He's a narcissist and thinks he's god. Tell him "NO" you won't be his personal taxi service for his family. If you want to do it then ask for gas money but other than that tell him to call a cab for her or give her the car. Stand up for yourself and draw boundaries or he'll think he has two wives he can walk all over.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:57 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Oh, screw that. You are not obligated to them and you do NOT have to take his abuse! If he's treating YOU that way, I can't even imagine how he treats her!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • If I were you, I would give him a time limit. Tell him that you can only help take her places for one more month, but after that, no more. He needs to get her a car.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • And as soon as he starts yelling at you again, either tell him to shut up because he has no right to speak to you like that, or just hang up. Sooner or later he'll realize that when he's ready to talk like an adult, maybe you'll listen to what he has to say...

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 PM on Apr. 22, 2009