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Should I get married to him, should I keep putting it off, I just dont know, just doesnt feel right yet.

He has asked me for the 3rd time now and I finally said yes on New Years. We have been together (living together)for 3 years and we have a 6 month old daughter. I used to want to get married to him like right away, but all of a sudden something is just telling me to slow down. I almost left him for being verbally abusive ( calling me names, saying rude things and cussing at me all the time)he promised he would stop, and he has gotten much better since we have had our dd. We are SO much a like its almost scary, sometimes its like looking in a mirror, we are both stubborn, say whats on our mind, jump to conclusions, highstrung, go people. I want to be thin like I used to be before I get married, I want to feel gooda bout myself again. Since I am getting to know him more and more, I feel closer to him, but I am finding out all of his dark little secrets and things he cant hide from me anymore, which some things I question. Wait?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:55 PM on Apr. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • You should def wait until you know the time is right. Don't let him hound you about it, If it's not the right time to get married, tell him he'll have to wait. There should also be no secrets. Good luck!
    Rachel24517

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 3:01 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • New Years gives you time to think about it. You can always postpone if you still think it doesn't feel right. I'd be watching out for the verbal abuse stuff though. It comes in cycles. I used to mark it on my calendar when my x would do it then after a while I could tell his pattern. However, once married some men tend to think they can escalate to other abuses (mine did). Just pay attention. Abuse doesn't normally stop, it just lays dormant for a while then pops its ugly head up again and sometimes more frequently. Listen to your gut on this.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:06 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • You do not sound like you are ready to marry him...
    I would post phone the marriage and work on the relationship and
    yourself...
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 3:09 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • No you shouldn't marry him if you have these kind of reservations. Do you want him doing the same thing to your daughter. How do you think she is going to view herself one day, if her "daddy" treats you like that? She is going to expect that is what is normal, and acceptable, and it isn't.

    In addition, as much of an ass as he sounds, he still deserves to find someone as well. If you dont want to marry him, than why even be with him. There could be something better out there for both of you. Maybe work on being healthy adults that are in a healthy relationship for the sake of your daughter.
    2-1CavWife

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 3:11 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Don't marry him... just you writing this means you're not ready.
    timandisaacsmom

    Answer by timandisaacsmom at 4:03 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • if you are at all unsure, do not do it!!!
    Rachael

    Answer by Rachael at 4:20 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Go with your gut. If it's been 3 years, & your not feelin it %100, then your going to regret it later. Marriage should only be something to do if your heart is in it %100. It's fair to you & your SO.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:30 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

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