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Biological Mother or Step Mother for Mother's Day?

I have a 7 year old step son, which me and my husband have custody of. The childs biological mother comes in and out of his life, she doesn't have a stable home she moves from state to state all the time. She see's him every once and a while when she feels like it, she hardly ever pays child support (108.00 a month WOW). I do everything for him, I am no doubt about it the motherly role in his life and have been ever since he was 3. (he doesn't remember me not ever being there) The biological mother called and said she is coming into town to go to a mothers day picnic at his school should she be aloud to go ? I had planned on going I mean she doesn't come for birthdays, surgeries, christmas, nothing but she's going to make it to this!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Apr. 22, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (27)
  • Of course she should be allowed to go. SHE IS HIS MOTHER, whether you like it or not.

    You should stop making it a competition. It's unhealthy for everyone involved.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • What does dad think? I think he should see his biological mother...however you're the one caring for him, right now you are mom...ALL THE TIME! Try compromising...if she's in town she can take him for 3-4 hours but the rest of the day is yours. I am a step mother as well and my daughter's mom allows her to share my birthday and mothers day with's about compromises and about the child.

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 4:02 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • How did she even know the picnic was happening to invite herself? She has to be in touch at some point to have known that much.

    Dont get me wrong, I actually think you should go, but to keep the peace, can both of you go? Or, you can ask what the 7 yr old wants. If he wants her, you may have to step aside.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Both mothers should be celebrated for Mother's Day.

    Answer by Bmat at 4:12 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Wow the first post was harsh I think. Im sure it is disappointing and upsetting. I would encourage you to not make a scene and just let her go, but that shouldn't stop you from going as well. you could each sit on his side. It may be good for him to know her...he will grow up and see that you were always there for him and that you handled it with grace. My ex-husband is exactly like the mother and it is disheartening but I always have to suck it up and know that I have to do what is best for my dd. Does she deserve to be there...hell no. but u never want him growing up and her saying that you said she couldn't be in his life when she made an effort.

    Answer by ria7 at 4:13 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • A child should never have to choose. Why can't you both go?

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I think it's pretty crappy of her to skip other events and decide to come to this one where the mother is the center of attention, but your step-son shouldn't have to choose between you; that is an unfair thing to ask of a child. Whatever happens it needs to be worked out between the adults. Your step-son will be looking to you and your husband for clues, and my suggestion would be to keep things as light and upbeat as you can. If it would be an uncomfortable situation for your step-son to present his biological mom at a school event, then maybe you could attend as planned and plan something special for the two of them to do more privately to help smooth things out. This sounds like a tough situation where there may not be a happy solution for you; just remember it's about the child, and not about you or her.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 4:23 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • While I feel that since you are raising him, you should be able to go, I also would hate to see you put yourself in a position where he can think you stood in the way of his having a relationship with his mother. I think you either need to ask him who he wants to go, or both of you go and keep things civil. Regardless of how bad she is at it, she is his mother, and he knows that. He also knows that you are the one raising him, loving him on a daily basis, helping with homework, sports, and everything else. When he is an adult, he will know who did more for him, and who is his "mom". But she is his mother, and even one time of asking her to step aside could be enough to have him resent you and blame you for the lack of relationship with his mother, even though the blame belongs with her. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 5:32 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • OP, I commend you for parenting this little blessing, for he is very lucky to have 2 Moms, but only 1 that parents. A child can never have too many people to love him, so there should NEVER be competative behavior. If you could maybe look at it in the way of, you get the best of him each day, so to share him is a kind act, after all if it were not for her...look at all the joy and love you would be missing. Your question'should she be allowed?' Absolutely, she is his are you, and as long as she shows no harm to him, it would be best for him to have her in his life. Blessings, you are a good Mommy! C.J.....;)

    Answer by ceejay1 at 7:02 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I would encourage you to both attend and make it a wonderful day for the little boy.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 7:45 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

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