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How do I tell DH that 'its' not there anymore? We have only been married for a year but I am not in love with him anymore and doin anything with him just is a chore to me?

relationships, divorce, cheating

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Jun. 20, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Oh please please please, try. I know what you mean, the first year is difficult. Plus there is that thing called the seven year itch! Please don't scratch it! Everyone goes through this. You can explain to him that you want to try something new or something needs to change because you think you are getting into a routine, but I think it's too soon to give up! Hope it helps. If you need to talk, message me!

    Answer by NomadSara at 5:34 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • My husband and I have been married going on 5 years now.. the first 3 years has been the hardest.. and get this.. we have known each other for over 25 years. We were in and out of one anothers life for the better part of them years. I thought that I really knew him very well... people change and marriage changes a lot of things. This what you are going through is temporary and it can get better and you can get back those "in love feelings" all it takes in an open heart and a willing spirit to learn how to do it. I can assure you trying to find someone else to "do that for you" won't work, you will go through ups and downs with anyone you are married to, believe me I have been married more than once.. feelings are temporary and they will fluctuate within every marriage... but truly loving someone deeply takes time to learn about one another and be willing to put feelings aside at times to make it through difficult things...

    Answer by BreakingFree at 6:01 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Maybe "it" has been replaced with something else for now. Like patience, understanding, trust, endurance and the words "I do." Before you say anything to your DH, remember that you cannot take it back. A year is not long enough to give marriage a chance. Don't cheat yourself of the good that you could build with time.

    Answer by Tess730 at 6:04 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • the first year of marriage is hard, add kids into the mix and it gets harder. Just try to open yourself up for communication and communicate with him. Relationships are about maintaining a balance. Something is out of whack somewhere and you need to talk to him to figure out what and where and how to make it better. Where did "it" come from in the first place? Find a way to get back to it.

    Answer by bltcahill at 7:10 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Oh my. The first year of marriage can be SO difficult! I would hate to see any relationship give up after such a short time. Trust me...during my first 4 years of marriage the word divorce was bounced around weekly at our house. Now we are going on 11 years and stronger and better than ever before. I would definitely recommend some counseling, whether it be through your church or a licensed marriage therapist. I think giving up so soon is doing both you and your husband a disservice. Try to remember all the reasons you married him in the first place.

    Answer by mommytoadam at 7:15 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • This is so silly, but when i really get frustrated with my husband I go baCK through all the pictures from when we were dating and this little box of memories that I have of the two of us. We have been married for a year and a half an it is definitly not the "warm fuzzies" anymore. But for some reason when I start to remind myself of all those reasons I felt like the luckiest girl in the world to be marrying him...things just seem a little brighter. Mommytoadam is right also...maybe you two should look into some couples counseling, it's not just for when things get so bad you are filing for divorce. Use that tool before it ever gets that bad. Good luck.

    Answer by hannahjoy17 at 8:03 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

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