Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how do i tell my mil to back off?

I am planning my wedding. My mil is nice and does a lot for me. But she has taken over the wedding. She wants me to buy a gazzebo, she wants me to have real flowers and she wants my colors to be navy blue. I don't want a gazzebo, I don't want real flowers, and i want my colors to be something summery light colors and light to wear. This is an out door wedding (casual). But she is now telling me how to do everything. What i should wear even down to the cake everything and she wants me to use her plants as decorations. I don't want to use her plants as decorations they are terrible looking. It may be casual but i do want it to look nice. My mil doesn't have to much longer left with us. And she is 85 years old. I don't want to hurt her but i also want to be able to have the wedding that I want. What do I do? Please let me know I would like to get multpule points of view. And please only intellegent replys.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:27 PM on Apr. 22, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • Tell her that you really appreiate her helping you with the wedding and that she will never know how much you truely appreciate her and how helpful she is, but that you do want to keep some of the things the way you wanted then and that its YOUR wedding and YOUR day, so it should be the way you wanted it

    Answer by HunnysFarAway at 11:35 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I would thank her for being so wonderful and let her know that you've got it covered, but if you have any questions at all that you'll be sure to come to her with them. Since you don't seem to dislike her I would say make it all about her overworking herself on your account "oh you don't have to worry about that, you're so kind, I wouldn't want to trouble you" that kind of thing. If all else fails, just tell her that you'd love to do it her way but can't afford it, and if she tries to offer to pay just tell her that you would really rather pay for it yourself. Good luck, and congrats on your wedding!

    Answer by heratyc at 11:37 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I would let her know that you have ideas of your own & have already made some detailed plans for you wedding. Tell her that it's not that you don't like her ideas but they aren't working with yours but you may consider a few things after you see how everything is laying out. Tell her how important you part is to you & how you really want your ideas to stand out for you on the special day. It's an outdoor wedding so maybe you can scatter a few of her plants around to blend in with the chosen spot to where you are having your wedding. Best of luck but try not to take it too personal, she will get over it quicker than you would if you choose to go along with all her choices instead of your own. Do what makes you happy & hopefully she will get a little out of it too.

    Answer by onespecialmom at 11:39 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • Simply say I love your ideas but I would prefer it this way for My special day. Remember that she already had her special day. Say it with a sweet smile and a respectful tone and she'll be fine.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:53 PM on Apr. 22, 2009

  • I agree with the above answers. Also, think of something that you don't have planned out and ask her for her help on that. If its something that you genuinely don't have a plan for, let her go all out on it. She'll be helpful, you'll be nice, and you'll both get want you want...a nice wedding.

    Answer by kbates1208 at 12:05 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.