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How does husband tell 7 year old son he won't see his mom anymore?

CPS has stepped in and determined that my stepson's biological mother is unfit and she can no longer have visitation in her home. She can come see him in our home if husband or I am there. She has said that is demeaning and refuses to do it. How can we/he explain to our son what is going on without making his mother look bad or anything? We really want him to understand that it is no ones fault and sometimes people just have some trouble with things and she needs time to take care of somethings. I don't want him to get the idea his mother is bad or doesn't love him or that my husband or I are the reason he doesn't get to see her. Thanks ladies!


Asked by Anonymous at 12:06 AM on Apr. 23, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • Just tell him what you said...she needs time to get things taken care of before she can come see him. My kids father is an absolute jerk and I can't stand him. But when my kids ask why he doesn't come see them I just tell them he has some things to take care of and when he's done, he'll come see them. If he asks you why it's taking so long or how long it takes, what I tell mine is that sometimes things can take a very long time to get taken care of, but that dad (in your case, mom) has not forgotten and will come just as soon as possible. That way you are not lying, nor are you making her look bad. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:59 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Just tell him what you just said. That she's not a bad person, but that she needs some time to get her life back in order. She loves him, and he still has daddy and you and if he has any questions he should feel free to let you know.

    Expect him to be upset, and comfort him as appropriate while still respecting his right to feel the way he does. Be loving and gentle. He's going to be hurt and traumatized (unless he's come to expect this kind of thing from her, in which case this will be easier, but he will have suffered more overall).

    Good luck and I'm sorry your family is going through this :(

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:08 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • i would sit him down and explain like you did to us. "mommy needs to get some help right now. she still loves you and we love you very much but you won't be able to see her until she gets all the help she needs. it is nothing you or anyone else did, sometimes people just need to get help before they can see other people" and then ask if he has any questions and answer them as honestly as possible

    Answer by vabchmommy at 12:09 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • She will come around, understandabley she is upset at this happening, just pray and wait and tell him to pray for her too!

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 12:14 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I agree with the above answers, just make sure he understands that he didn't do anything and that his mom still loves him, but she needs to sort some things out. I'm sure that she'll come around she's probably just freaked out over the whole situation.
    Good luck!

    Answer by Domzmom2005 at 12:51 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I sure hope that she will get some help and decide to be a part of his life. In the meantime, you would be honest in telling him that his mother is sick, but getting the help she needs from doctors. Tell him not to worry because they are doing all they can do to help her get well again. Your husband probably knows how to explain this to him in a way that won't scare him. It's also important to tell him that his mom loves him more than anything in the world and that she is fighting hard to get better as soon as possible so she can see him again. That's what I would say to my child.


    Answer by DeTora_Family at 1:03 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Just tell him like you told us, that she has something she needs to work out before she can be apart of his life. but that she loves him and misses him

    Answer by clovismommy25 at 2:41 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

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