• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

need to vent and advice, before i do something stupid

ok, ladies mostly i need a safe place to vent.
I've been dating this guy for 8 months, only together on weekends when my son is at his dad's. He's always told me that I'm the only girl he's dating. Recently, I've found evidence that suggests he is dating other single moms. I believe they all think they are the only ones too.
The problem is that over the eight months i have lent him a significant amount of money. I was never stressed about repayment because we talked about planning a future together. And I trusted that once he graduated from grad school he would get a good job and be able to pay me back.
now I feel like he's been using me and that he's using these other women. I would like to warn every woman in my town about him. I'd like to tattoo on his forehead that he's a liar, cheater and user. But the law frowns on that kind of thing. Any advice out there?
How do I get my money back and should I warn other women?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:10 AM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • dump him money back or not learn from it! Date longer...
    2mothershelpers

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 12:12 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • i would ask him for the money straight out, just say "hey i need .... " if he says he can't do it now, ask him if you guys can work out a payment schedule so that you can get it back, tell him you want both of you to sign it so theres no future questions. then break up with him, as for the other women...i'd want to place an ad in the paper so i don't know what to tell you there...
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 12:13 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I don't think you can get your money back unless he miraculously gives it to you. It won't hold up in court since you didn't expect repayment in the first place and there is no contract saying he owes you. But I'd definitely leave him alone.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Are you 100% sure he's dating these other girls and their not just friends? Well if he is dating these other women, I would tell him you know and that you want your money back. And if he doesn't pay, than go to Judge Judy-haha sorry, I love that show. But really go to some sort of small claims court. You can't really warn other women. I mean it's not really your place. If another girl asks you about him than by all means tell them. But should you actively seek out these other girls? No, I don't think so. Chances are, they won't believe you anyway.
    sarapurser

    Answer by sarapurser at 12:14 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • You won't ever get your money back, whether you stay with him or not. He's probably not even in grad school.

    I can't believe he's using single moms, who have a hard enough time, like that. Kick his ass to the curb and then tell everyone else you know about what he's doing. Some will believe you, others will say "NO! HE LOVES ME!" and they will have to learn the hard way :(

    I'm sorry you've been a victim. He's a dick.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 12:15 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Try to get your money back from him. I'm sorry to say it doesn't sound hopeful that you will. It's a real shame that there are guys out there that take advantage of women, plain and simple. It hurts, but you WILL get over it. Be happy that you found out the real him now and move on quickly. Learn from it. You won't be fooled next time! Never give up any money. Only join money once you are truly an established couple with solid plans. Hell, sometimes that doesn't work either!
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 12:15 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I'd get the money back first. LOL. Seriously, the other women would probably end up being mad at you like it was your fault, so I'd have to let them find out the hard way. Tell him to get lost. He shouldn't be borrowing money left and right. If you REALLY wanted to get down and dirty about it...pretty sure there is no law against sending mass emails or myspace bulletins with his picture and asking "Is this your boyfriend?" and see who responds. LMFAO. Sorry, I'm evil.
    kbates1208

    Answer by kbates1208 at 12:16 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Dose he know that you have caught on to him yet ? If he don't know that then don't let on about it yet . Act as if everything as is always has been, and start saying you need some money for somthing start browwing it back ..if you can't do it like that I would say move on and forget about the money and learn from it . good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • If he doesn't know you know, I would tell him you need the money (make an excuse), or say you got a letter you owe back taxes or something. i'd stay with him until he pays back all or most of what he owes and then dump him.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 12:22 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • My BFF went through a similar thing and I think if it hasn't been a significant amount of time you can go to small claims and try to get it back that way, but did you say this is a gift? There is a your word against his, and if he's cheating it might just look like you are trying to get back at him. Did he sign anything? Did he make any payments to you? If he made any of these that is proof that he owes you. You may not get it back, so let this be an expensive lesson. Always get a legally binding contract anytime you give a loan. If you don't do it, then be ok with the fact that you may never get a dime back. Don't let another man prey on you, b/c that's what he was doing to all of you if he was doing it. Men who like to prey on single moms b/c they think that they are lucky to find a guy that will be ok with them being a mom. Know your self worth. Good Luck/
    dawn_misayo

    Answer by dawn_misayo at 12:22 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.