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What do you think about how my dh and I feel about my 16 yo dd boyfriends intentions?

My 16 yo came home very upset because her boyfriend informed her that a female coworker has been overly friendly with him and also told my dd this coworker told him she would be willing to have sex with him to let him see what he was missing. My dh and I think that this is an attempt by him to get my dd into bed because she may lose him if she does not have sex with him or just to see how far he can get with her. My dd tells us that he is only telling her because he wants her to know the truth. My dh and I are second guessing ourselves. We honestly don't trust his intentions. What do you ladies think? Would you give him the benefit of the doubt? I told her that there are more fish in the sea...this is the first boy she has been allowed to date and I know if and when they break up it will hit her hard.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:53 AM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (43)
  • First loves or puppy loves are hard but she will learn from it. Im I understand where she is coming from. He is ALL WRONG with intentions..well I mean he's a boy go figure his intentions. You told her the right thing now because of her excuse for him I would have the "talk" with her to make sure she can be safe just in case!! She's at that age now...(sorry :(..........) Sounds like you and hubby are being good parents though. GL

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 6:57 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • She is 16, sex/intimacy should be something kept in a marriage relationship. There are a lot of young women/teens who feel to keep their boyfriend is by having sex with them. If the young man really cared for the girl, then he would be patient and wait.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:59 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • you can always go to the root of the source and ask the woman if she said that. kind of like a set up I doubt she will admit to it and it will make the guy look like he lied to her to get her into her pants. and there you go, you get rid of the guy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:03 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Yes we have had the talk with her and her older brother (he is 18) many times. My dd has told me that she does not want to have premarital sex. I have told her that I have first hand experience with it and I ended up pregnant with my oldest son. My dh and I got married when I was 19. I have told her that I want her to be a well established adult before she makes that type of committment. I have told her it was hard financially and emotionally.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:12 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • It doesnt matter what you did or what she said honestly. I said that, my mother had four kids before happens. You have to be stern and just lay the law down and keep the boys away. You cant waive the t-bone in front of the dogs face when he is starving its bond to happen.

    Answer by Bugsmommy1908 at 7:16 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • To Bugsmommy1908: We are constantly being told by people that we know that we are to controlling and to overprotective. You are right in what you say. I just sometimes get frustrated with teen drama and teen romance. I am just having a very hormonal day!!!!

    BTW..thanks for the input

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:24 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Oh no.... I wouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt because I have heard that before too... its manipulative to say the very least! I wish you the best of luck on this.... your DD at 16 is probably going to be easily swayed by someone who she thinks is on the up-and-up with her (her BF) and a lot of girls this age will lash back at the parents if they think the parent is just trying to "screw things up" with the BF.


    Answer by VeronicaLee at 7:42 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Yeah, that boy is trying to get in your daughter's pants and is being quite manipulative in the process. The only reason he would say that is to make her feel insecure about their relationship if she didn't have sex with him. I would be having a talk with him and letting him know you've been there and done that and know exactly what he's up to.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 8:14 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • It doesn't matter what his intentions are. The very fact that he even mentioned sex to my 16-year old daughter would be reason enough to send him packing. Do you think your daughter is mature enough to be married? If she isn't, then why is she dating? Dating is for the purpose of selecting a lifetime mate. It's not for any other purpose. The fact that you have this situation to deal with is proof enough that she is not ready to be dating. She can have her guy friends come to your house, but she's not yet ready to be going out unattended or unchaperoned. Too many guys are looking for nothing but another score, and I would do everything I could to protect my daughter from being one. One other suggestion--let her dad handle it. Girls love it when Daddy defends them. Moms are sometimes resented, but dads are usually seen as heroes.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:15 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Very well said NannyB.

    Answer by my4kids274 at 8:22 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

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