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How often is appropriate for my daughter's boyfriend to spend the night?

My daughter's boyfriend has spent the night a few times a week. It has been increasing - this week was five nights. I love this boy tremendously, but am feeling a little stressed about extra expenses - he buys his own food, but there are other expenses I feel I should not have to cover. My daughter is extremely upset with me since I mentioned this. I also have two jobs, plus I work every Sunday for four hours at a local store for "coffee money". I am a single parent and riddled with guilt about this issue!! HELP!!!

 
JoanneD4

Asked by JoanneD4 at 11:29 AM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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This question is closed.
Answers (91)
  • as far as the "moral" issue...they are adults and i assume they are in a mongamous relationship...they are going to have sex no matter where they are staying..there isn't much you can do about it..sure you can tell them Absolutely not in my house..but again they are not underage...talk to them one on one and explain how you love them both very much but you are not working 2 jobs to support your GROWN children....you would like to enjoy your life as well and not have to break your back trying to pay the bills.My husband and I live with my parents..( i am 25 and he is 26) We built an addition onto THEIR house.we split EVERYTHING down the middle.BILLS/ PROPERTY TAXES....food expenses.EVERYTHING...we have an almost 3 year old daughter.so i know a little about what you are talking about..except that both of us work and we help with expense.we had our own house but it was too small for us so while we are looking we stay with them...
    ThinkPink23

    Answer by ThinkPink23 at 2:29 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • You are the mom and you pay the bills. He is a boy and he is consuming more than you planned for and can handle. He should start covering his expenses. Teens boys EAT like 2-3 extra people and this it is not your job to keep him fed. If he can't give you some money on the groceries its time to limit his time at your home.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 11:31 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Okay, are you freaking kidding me? Are you not the adult? Why would you even have to come on here and ask this question... It must be okay, or you wouldn't be allowing it to happen. In my home, it would never have occurred even once. But, I am a responsible, rule making and enforcing type of mom, obviously you are not.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:31 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Why do you let him stay there? It is your place, if your daughter is upset about that, then she should be covering those extras.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:32 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • 18+...guess he isn't a teen, but still he eats alot and he needs to be a man and cover that himself.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 11:32 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Well personally I wouldn't allow it at all really, but since you do, it's NOT out of the question to have him pay "rent", so to speak, but since i'm unaware of the other expenses, then I can't really answer too much
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:32 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Have you discussed this with him? It is reasonable that if he is staying there he should help with expenses. A roommate would. Prorate it. If he stays there one night it will be this much...ect.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 11:35 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Just talk to him. Tell him that the extra electricity is costing you money and you're sorry, but you just can't afford it. Ask him to either help you out a little or to maybe have your daughter stay at his place on the nights they want to have a sleep over.

    Or maybe you could suggest they get their own place? Is it maybe time for that?
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:35 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Oh no she didn't. Wow, I don't think that is a healthy idea.
    bella69147

    Answer by bella69147 at 11:37 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Ok, anon 9:31 relax and stop calling her a bad mom, this is the 18+ section not the tween section!

    I would tell your daughter that they either need to both start chipping in, or he needs to spend less time there. It sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with him, can you mention it to him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Apr. 23, 2009

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