Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What would you do if your DH said you couldn't be a SAHM?

but you knew that you could afford it? My DH doesn't believe in SAHMs really and wants me to work FT. I've asked if I could get a PT job or something and he says no. Now I have a good opportunity to take a PT job and I know that we can afford it. My current company is doing lay-offs so I was thinking of volunteering to take a package and tell my DH that I got laid off, then wait and act like this PT opening came up so he'd let me take it as opposed to just staying home. Know that I have 2 small school-aged children and my DH works late hours and Saturdays so you know who is doing most of the child-rearing and housekeeping.


Asked by Anonymous at 1:13 PM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (25)
  • I would not take a package and lie, there are too many ways he could find out and that's a huge dishonesty. Work out a budget, show him how you could take a PT job without affecting the household finances, and point out how much you do around the house. Ask him to commit to carrying half the load of caring for the household and children if he's not willing to support you in cutting back to parttime.


    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:50 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • That wouldn't happen, we both agreed I would be a sahm. I work at our church once or twice a week, and am able to take kids with me. For little extra for bills to pay.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Didn't you discuss this before you got married???

    Answer by Dannee at 1:21 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • dont lie about anything thats just gonna cause problems, tell him that you are willing to get a part time job and that is that give him your reasons, and be open to listening to his reasons why he wants you to get a full time job... is he going to be getting laid off soon? that might be why he's pushing you so hard and what not

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 1:22 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Are you sure that he won't let you do it because he might end up resenting you? Maybe he doesn't want to be the only one in the house working. maybe he wants to stay home too. with you wanting to stay home and him wanting you to work FT, I think getting a part time joy would be the compromise.

    Answer by Kawanis at 1:24 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Dannee - no we didn't discuss;I never thought I'd want to be a SAHM but now with 2 kids in grade school and with him always at work, things change.

    Breezy - no he is not going to get laid off; he has his own business and is and has been doing well; we have no debt and some savings.

    I've already had a chance to get a really good PT job that paid well and he said no. I also asked him can I be a teacher to get shorter hours and he said no, too much of a paycut. Right now I have a management position job making good money, but it's stressful. Plus the stress of picking up the kids, getting home at 6 and cooking dinner, doing homework, and everything else. He comes in with no worries, eats, plays for a bit and relaxes the rest of the night. I transport them back and forth to al of their activities, even the ones that he signs my son up for. I have to pick them up everyday from school, and do everything else.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I couldn't stand staying at home!
    I love to work and I wouldn't feel right not working!
    But I don't like to depend on any man for anything.

    Answer by Morgan. at 1:33 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • OP cont'd --

    He helps around the house but the things he do are optional, such as vacuuming, mopping. I have all of the responsibilites for making sure the homework is done, signing off on tests, help with projects, laundry, packing lunches and snacks. This on top of a mgmt position is too much. He told me in 5 years I can teach but by then the kids will be older. He thinks that SAHM's don't do anything but watch Rachel Ray everyday so this is the mentality I'm dealing with.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:35 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Morgan - I felt the same way until my kids entered 1st grade and they became so much more demanding of my time. And I always looked up to my mother who was a working mom.
    And I don't want to just do nothing - I want to work PT so I can have my own spending money.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I would tell him that unless youre in such a deep rut with money that you cant even feed your kids then shut the hell up. If you don't want one don't get one! Those kids need you. I am a stay at home mom and I refuse to work unless absolutely necessary. I'd tell him that if he wants to take care of the house AND the kids then you'll get a job. If he is a father that isn't used to it he won't last. Its hard work despite what others think. If you do decide to come to a compramise then get your PT job and be adament about only working during school hours or something if you won't leave your kids with ne one else. I dont leave my kids with ne one except family, if no one is available and I can't take my kids then I dont go, I dont care what it is. I have actually had jobs where my kids were sick and they told me I HAD to work. I told them to go to hell. Those kids need you and they come first.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 PM on Apr. 23, 2009