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Please help me with my 4 year old!

I am hoping someone has had this experience or knows what I should do. I am at my wits end and simply exhausted. My 4 year old has been having significant trouble listening at home (we use time outs) and at nursery school. because of his behavior at school, I had to withdraw him. They did not ask me to, but I was told on numerous occasions that he is a disruption to the class. He is supposed to go to Kindergarten this fall and is very defiant, argumentative and from the description of what occurred at school this week, he thinks this is all very funny and a game. I have contacted a child psychologist office to see if this is something more than just being 4 and trying to "test" people. Does anyone have any advice or experience with a child like this?

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delia100

Asked by delia100 at 2:15 PM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • it's easy really. he's figured out that all you're going to do is time outs, and that the teachers can only do that too, (unless their policy is the stupid "redirection" crap). next time, spank him. yeah it may hurt you then him, but it works like a charm and maybe next time he'll think twice about it. he's 4 after all, and should know consequences come with actions.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • My daughter is going through a similar thing. Now she tells me "no" and "never". Everytime she does something inappropriate that she knows is wrong, I put her in time out. For every noise she makes I add an extra minute. The other day she pushed herself up to 20 minutes. I was about to spank her, but I controlled my anger and took her most favorite thing away, her books. She was devastated. I told her she could look at books at her bedtime. She corrected her behavior, fast!! I tried the corner, I tried putting her nose on a spot on the wall. Everything worked for a while, but now I take things away. She has gotten better about her attitude, not perfect but better.
    krissyvelazquez

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 2:32 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Expand your discipline tools beyond time out - that's not a cure-all for all behaviors. Logical consequences, removal of privileges, practicing positive behavior, rehearsing, communicating expectations and having him repeat them so that they are understood...all done with a healthy dose of mutual respect.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 3:27 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Thanks for the advice about expanding the tools, but we have done all of that. Time outs is not all we do. I do not resort to spanking, though. He loses TV time, his most favorite activity of sleeping over his grandmother's house, playtime, toys etc. Nothing works.
    delia100

    Answer by delia100 at 3:36 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Start phasing out food dyes from his diet and see if it helps. My son is an angel till he eats red dye #40 lake. Then he becomes the devil spawn.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Reward charts for good behavior and improving his diet. Lots of good information her: www.feingold.org. Essentially, do not buy any food with ingredients that your great-grandmother would not recognize. Whole grains instead of white food. Lots of fruits and veggies. Lots of water, no juices, cut back on dairy.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:06 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

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