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How can I raise my 4 year old's self esteem?

The other day my 4 year old daughter spent the day at a friend's house. I have known these people since we first moved to Kentucky. This morning she came downstairs really upset and told me that she was ugly and fat. I reassured her that she is the most beatiful girl I have ever known. But she insisted she was ugly and fat. I asked her who told her this and she told me that my friend's little boy told her. She said that my friend tole her son and he told Kylee. What can I do to get her to realize she is beautiful? She used to think she was a princess and ballerina. Now she doesn't because as she said, "Princesses are beautiful. I can't be one if I'm ugly." What to do?!!


Asked by krissyvelazquez at 2:19 PM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 19 (8,028 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • First of all I think I would no longer associate with this friend if I believed she really had anything to do with her son's remarks. Secondly, help you daughter find things she can do that will help her feel good about herself, not just her appearance. Work on deeper qualities that she can be proud of that will be there for her to fall back on when others attack her appearance in the future. Point out the things your daughter does well and encourage her to do more of those things. If she's artisitic do art projects together, if she likes to help you cook have her do that, or if there is a sport she's interested in trying go with that. Help her realize her potential and her worth are more than how she looks; it will still hurt if others attack her looks, but maybe not quite so much if she is proud of other things. Self-image is one of the tricky parts of raising girls.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:41 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • surround her with people that are encouraging, and be very careful that your words and actions are always filled with love, respect and encouragement. Also let her know that people who put other people down are insecure themselves and inorder to feel better about themselves they put other people down. It really has nothing to do with the truth or who she is but rather the way they feel about themselves. Hard concept for a 4 year old, but perhaps you can put in a way she can understand. At such a younjg and fragile age I would keep her away from people who put her down though. Also, encouraging her to look at her inward beauty, her heart. She sounds like a very beautiful person inside and I bet shes beautiful outward too. Also, show her who she looks like... you and your husband, maybe even Grandparents. Say you have mommies this... daddys this.... etc. And pray and ask God what to do (thats what I would do as well).

    Answer by Precious333 at 2:27 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I also agree with the first poster. Good luck.

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 2:43 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I Like Me by Nancy Carlson (my 13 year old takes her copy babysitting with her, she loves it so much that she takes it with her when she babysits)

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:04 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Give lots of praise and encouragement.  Check out these confidence building books....but they really need to go along with the encouragement you give her.


    Answer by momjs at 12:49 AM on Apr. 24, 2009