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HONESTY NEEDED

HOW MUCH VERBAL ABUSE AND CONTROL CAN ONE PERSON TAKE.. I HAVE COME TO TERMS WITH MY HUSBAND NOT TRUSTING ME, NOT FOR ANYTHING I DID, BUT BECAUSE HE IS DOING IT. "BUT" HOW DO YOU HURT SOMEONE AS BAD AS HE HAS HURT ME AND THEN THINK HE CAN TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND PUT ME DOWN. I AM AT MY WITS END, I WANT OUT BUT OF COURSE I AM A SAHM WITH 3 KIDS. HOW DO I GET A DIVORCE AND MOVE ON WITHOUT THE HELL HE IS GOING TO PUT ME THROUGH. I HAVE TRIED, I AM IN COUNSELING. I COULD FORGIVE HIS MISTAKES BUT I CANNOT FORGIVE THE VERBAL ABUSE. I KNOW I DO NOT DESERVE THIS. I LIVE IN CALI, I HAVE NO INCOME AND 3 GREAT KIDS. WHAT CAN I DO??

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I spent 3 years in a extremely emotionally abusive relationship, and I can tell you from experience that standing up to him wont work, at least not in the long term. You need to get out, and get your children out. The abuse is hurting them, they hear and see it, even when you may not think they do. Call your local domestic abuse hotline and they can help you. Dont let fear of not making it stop you.
    Until HE decides HE needs help, this will not stop.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 3:32 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • stand up to him. but be ready for a fight but dont back down when he sees your just gonna sit there maybe he will stop.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • your not gonna just sit there sorry
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • No way anon 2:53.......you go get subsidized housing than do to college and make something of your self I DID and it was the best decision ever i know you probably don't want to be on the system but it will help you get on your feet and you don't have to be on it long just until you get your degree and get a part time job trust me it will pay off

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • That's right stand up to him and tell him you're not going to take his shi- anymore.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Think about your kids. What are they learning from their home environment. What will they take with them into adulthood. See if he is willing to try at all to change. If not look at area/governmental resources. I wish you the best of luck!
    chaster

    Answer by chaster at 2:56 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • You seek legal counsel. Have him tell you the best way to go, and how much $ support you can get from him through divorce. And you have to face the fact that you will no longer be a SAHM, but a working mom of 4 kids.
    So you're choices are to stay and be abused and teach your kids that this is appropriate behaviour in a relationship, or you can take the other hard route and leave his sorry ass.
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 2:57 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Try to get a bank account opened in your own name and divert whatever money you can there. Talk with a lawyer- some have the first visit free. The lawyer will tell you how to protect your interests. You should be preparing to get a job, so take classes towards that. You should be able to arrange for your husband or a sitter so you can do this, or, if the classes are during the day, then find a mom that you can trade babysitting with. Call social services and see if they offer advice on what to do to get a separation or divorce.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:59 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Stand up to him. And god forbid he lays a hand on you call the police and file charges! Do not let him put you down. If he is yelling and screaming and you just sit there you are doing what he wants. Yell back, scream back and tell him you are not going to put up with any more of his shit. That you love him, but you will no longer be treated this way. If after you stand up for yourself he still acts this way, go to live with a family member. Then go to the local courts office and ask for the self help department and ask for a general motions packet for divorce with children. Many states have self help packets in the family court division. Even while just separated the courts will award a temporary child support amount for him to pay you. If you don't have any family to help, you can contact a womens shelter. Verbal abuse is still abuse. 

    www.RamblingsOFaSAHM.com

    Vanessannd

    Answer by Vanessannd at 3:05 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • AS MUCH AS YOU ..WANT I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ......MY HUSBAND VERBAL ABUSE ME CALL ME NAMES CALL MY FAMILY NAMES CALL ME A BAD MOTHER... A HO......... I DECIDE I WAS NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE NEXT TIME HE CALL MEW SOMETHING I CALL HIM SOMETHING WORSE HE PUSH ME TO THE WALL, I PUNCH HIM IN HIS FACE, I NEVER CHEATER ON HIM BUT HE STAR TO CALL ME A HO GUESS WHAT MY NEIGHBORD HAVE SUCH I SWEET HAND AND THE FUN PART IS WHO IS SCARE NOW .
    rubipresiosa

    Answer by rubipresiosa at 3:07 PM on Apr. 23, 2009