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My husbands ex-wife is always calling me to watch her 2 kids when it's her days to have them. Is it wrong for me to say "no" when my husband (their father) is not even there?

My husband and I have his 2 boys split during the week with his ex-wife. We are getting ready to have them full time during the week and her have them every weekend. My husband works in the evenings until the next morning and for the past 4 weeks in a row the boys mother will call me asking if they can stay at our house for whatever excuse she comes up with. I have been saying yes, because they are my husbands sons, but when she says she's sick and can't watch them and then I find pictures posted on Myspace of her going out to the bar and partying I said "no" to the last time she asked. Am I in the wrong? I feel like she is always pawning her children off not just during the week, but even when it's her weekend. I do not have kids of my own and Cherish my alone time, but my husband doesn't understand. He's not even there when I have the boys most of the time. Just need some advise.

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sparkie102

Asked by sparkie102 at 3:04 PM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (15)
  • if your DH has a cell phone and she has the number, then just stop answering her calls.... let it go to voicemail. Then if you want you can call her back several hours later (as in AFTER she wanted to go party, or the next day!) and say your were so busy and sorry that you missed her call...

    If its an emergency she can call your DH and/or leave a message.
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 3:09 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • it is wrong for her to ask...and you have every right to refuse.
    BUT I would rather take them on her days then tell her no while who knows what happens to them while she's bar hopping.
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 3:10 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • No. It's NOT wrong.
    Bethe333

    Answer by Bethe333 at 3:16 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • i am the same way i always take the kids because i do love them and there my dh's kids. but after a while i would see that she got to have a life while i was always with kids and no breaks. i didnt have even a day to myself while she was at concerts trips camping and yes even sick but he i would be sick and dying and would still take the kids and care for them but when she was sick she got to rest. i learned to say no. i admit 90% of the time i say yes but once in a while i decided sorry i cant. i have had times were i went to my doc with a total of 4 kids ( my 2 sd's me and dh's son plus my dd ) but if she had an app i had them. so its ok to say no dosent make u a jerk or mean u dont care for them. just know when to draw the line.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 3:18 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • why marry a man with kids if you really don't want them full time? It is always a possibility you will ge them full time. The mom could lose all rights or die and then you'd have these kids all day every day.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • To the anonymous answere - I never said anything about not wanting them full time. That was not my question. My deal is I feel the BIO mother should take the responsibility after having 2 kids step up and be a mom. But that's just me. I desire so much to be a mother of my own someday. I care for these 2 boys, but at the same time I don't feel like I should be doing all the work when the mother is in the picture. She says she wants to be a mother to them, well I haven't seen it yet.
    sparkie102

    Answer by sparkie102 at 3:42 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I feel for the kids. Mom doesn't want them step mom feels they are a burden. I hope dad cares about them. If you don't want them around I would not take custody during the week. You have to treat them as you would any children you are going to have with him. If you cannot do that you have no business being with him. I hope he puts the kids first or someone does. Poor kids.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:02 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • if you watch them at night while dad is working wouldn't they be asleep and not bother you, giving you alone time? Maybe mom sees that being in your home is a positive thing for the boys and wants what is best for them. It shouldn't matter what she's out doing. If she doesn't want them then I don't think they should go to her anyway. What if she takes her anger out on them? I think they'd be better off asleep at your house knowing their dad wanted them.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:09 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I don't feel they are a burden. I never said I didn't want them around. I enjoy our time when we do have them. I enjoy the responsiblity, I enjoy taking them to ther soccer practices and game, etc. It's just the uncertiany that we have with the mother. My husband works a lot and he's not home much. So I have to take care of the boys when we have them. (night and day)I guess my problem is the schedule we have. It's not very stable for the boys. That will be changed soon, so that's a good thing. We will have them during the week instead of splitting it. It took me a long time to get adjusted to an instant family. It can be challenging when you do not have kids of your own and don't have the same bond. It's a touchy thing when kids are involved.
    sparkie102

    Answer by sparkie102 at 4:30 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • to the Anon posters that ASSUME and make an A$$ outta themselves.... bite me! Show your face, or shut up!  Yeah, I said it!


    To OP: As a single full time mom myself, I still think you have every right to some "me" time of your own.... don't feel bad for a second for feeling like you don't want to take them EVERY SINGLE time she calls.... You at the moment are at her Beck-N-Call (sp?). You don't have to say "how high?" every time she says "jump!" You can still love your Step-kids and not be walked all over by maternal mom. Just don't tell anyone that you are blowing her off.... just act all inocent about "not being available" sometimes.

    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 4:39 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

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