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Adoption questions.....

I just found out I'm pregnant. I really really want to keep my baby. I love this baby already and it's killing me just thinking about it. I cry talking about it and even typing about it. But, I don't have the money OR resources to be taking care of another child. I will be 21 in July. What are my first steps to looking into adoption? Where do I go without going to welfare offices or planned parenthood? Will I regret this the rest of my life? How do I deal and cope with it? Please respond to this question, and please don't be mean. I am having a really hard time with this already.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:38 PM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Adoption

Answers (95)
  • Please visit the group "Pregnant and Considering Options" http://www.cafemom.com/group/26942/forums/read/6142351/ There is tons of advice for women in crisis pregnancy there. Good luck to you.

    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 4:00 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • First thing that you need to do is decide what is really best for you and this baby. I know that money is a factor for you, but if it is the only factor then there are resources available to help you. This question is going to get lots of people telling you that adoption is something that you'll always regret or a horrible choice. Unfortunately there are some very bitter birthmothers on here, but there are also some really great one too. If you really decide that adoption is the best option then there are lawyers, agencies, and other resources to help you do that. Just don't let ANYONE pressure you one way or the other. This is a life long decision that only you can make. There is no right or wrong answer and you need to choose whatever gives you the most peace. Feel free to PM me if you want specific names of resources. Lots of prayers for your decision and you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Sorry, I somehow accidently clicked the anonymous button on the above reply. Still feel free to PM me if you want to chat or get more info.
    mommy9

    Answer by mommy9 at 4:05 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • My advice is get keep up with your doctors visits, take your vitamins, take care of yourself, and worry about making a decision in about 6 months. There is plenty of time to decide what you want to do.

    If you join any groups or get any advice on here, tread carefully.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:19 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Oh, Honey....Breathe!
    If you just found out, you have a lot of time. You have a lot of things to think about, and finances should be close to the bottom of the list. ~ It sounds like you already have a child.....it's not that much more expensive with two. And, there's a lot of places that can give you assistance and help you. You are not in this alone!
    christyg

    Answer by christyg at 5:03 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • OP, I have to agree with some of what the others have said...you have lots of time. It is way too early to make an adoption plan. I do not know where you live, but there should be a low-income-FREE clinin in your town, if not call your local health dept., they can guide you in the right direction. There is nothing wrong with asking for help, that is what they are there for:) Congrats on this new baby, you are bringing into this world, I can tell it is already so loved. For now take deep breaths, take care of yourself and your baby, 1 day at a time! This baby feels what you feel, so trying to take care of you is all you need to worry about for now. ONETHENTWINS, sugessted "group-pregnant and considering" , I agree and there is one that is" adoption resources".....Blessings, please feel free to PM me , I relinquished twin sons 23yrs ago...Blessings....C.J.
    ceejay1

    Answer by ceejay1 at 5:17 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I would have to strongly echo onethentwins please join the group pregnant and considering. There are many wonderful women there who can help, some who have even created websites dedicated to finding the resources expectant moms need to parent their child when they feel so desperate, alone and unable to see a way they can parent their child.
    I would strongly suggest not to contact anyone involved in any way with adoption right now. I suggest this because it is clear from your words that you want to keep and parent your child and there are many of us who know that in the world of adoption, there are those who will discourage this instead of helping you to accomplish this.
    I, am many others here, have stood in your shoes and know that feeling of wanting so desperately to parent but being so terrified that we won't be "good" enough for our children. But you are good enough for your child and you can do it! Contact me please
    casjoh

    Answer by casjoh at 5:53 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • (cont) for any help you might need.
    You CAN be a great and wonderful parent to your child, even those, right now, you might not see it. There are many places you can go and reach out to for support and help. It isn't an easy path and I'm sure you already realize that. But I have never come across a women who has ever regretted the work and sacrifices in order to be a great parent for her child.
    Many will tell you that the selfless and loving choice is adoption but choosing to parent your child is the most selfless and loving choice any women can make. If you truly want to parent your child than you can do it and there are many of us to help you and who believe in you and your ability to be the best mother possible for your child.
    casjoh

    Answer by casjoh at 5:58 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • My heart goes out to you. Please check around there has to be some financial help that can help with you to keep your baby. Check on Cafemom groups with other moms who may be able to give you some useful and helpful information. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this emotional time in your life.
    Kellyjude1

    Answer by Kellyjude1 at 6:35 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I hope you keep your baby, I hope that the money is found some how, this is the right decision for your life and that once the shock and fear of a new pregnancy wears off, you never need to think about adoption again.

    But, if adoption is an option you want to consider, down the line, get off cafemom, and make sure you are talking to unbiased peers, not Acouples who are hoping for you to chose them NOR women who placed 20 years ago who dont know your current life.

    If you are in a group and they are all trying to talk you either into or out of something, then you should be concerned. There should be no secretcy in adoption, if the group is not public, that also should be a concern.

    You will need welfare for at least the pregnancy so you can have medical so that you may have to do no matter which you choose.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

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