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Am I right to tell my mom to leave my dad?

Growing up my dad would hit us. And I don't mean spankings(though he'd do that too.) But I mean he used to actually hit us in the face and on the head when we were little. Now, it wasn't often. It was just whenever he got frustrated with us. And when he wasn't frustrated we'd all get along fine.

Now that we're all moved out, he has hit my mom once(as far as I know.) and has thrown soda in her face. He has also physically pulled me down the stairs at one point. So my question is, even though he's not continuosly hitting and abusing, is he considered a threat? Is telling my mom to leave him the right thing to do even though he hasn't hit her in a while and it's only been that one time? Is one time enough?

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Asked by Imogine at 6:30 PM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Level 22 (14,425 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • It's her decision. You can voice your concerns and make a suggestion but it's up to her

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:32 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • i think she just needs to know that she has to defend her self or put her foot down next time it happens and let him know it NOT OK then if it happens again after that then bye bye

    Answer by chukuku at 6:34 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Even though he is not CONSTANTLY abusive, the hitting that he IS doing is considered abuse and if the police were called in a situation like that he could go to jail. Personally I think your mother should leave. Abuse is abuse no matter how often or how seldom it happens. It is her choice though but you should definitely talk to her about how you feel.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 6:37 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • yeah i agree, you can tell her, and she needs to tell him if it happans again she walks, and she has to walk if it does it cant be an empty threat.

    Answer by Zaphira at 6:37 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • My dad is very sick. He's taking...I don't know how many different medications. And he has been abusive, emotionally to my mom. He neglects her, controls her, even puts her down. No one, not even my brothers, like being around him. He is a very difficult person to get along with. I personally would be happy if my mom divorced him. That sounds bad, I know, but when you know things could be better you want it to be better.


    Answer by Imogine at 6:41 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • ONCE is all it takes.....your mom should have left him when he was hitting you ( her children) but she didn't and to be honest she will NOT leave him now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:44 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • No matter how sporadic, abuse should never be tollerated (now, I'm not bashing because each person has to sort these things out on thier own & people can only make moves when they're ready, but we all know abuse is bad). That said, I believe one time is more than enough, but again a lot of things should be considered (does the abuser enter treatment, does the abused person need to time situate things to be able t leave, etc). I don't ever think though that it's the childs place to advise a parent. Obviously and naturally, you want to protect your mom, but this is something she needs to do on her own. And I hate to say it but, I agree that if your mom didn't leave when your dad was abusing you, I think it's far less likely that she will leave now. Hopefully, she will realize she deserves better, soon.


    Answer by BubbaLuva at 6:52 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • You can tell her what you think if you want, but I think that you should be prepared for her to turn against you or at the very least, for it to change your relationship with her. My guess is that she loves the man or else she would have taken off a long time ago. Some of us older types believed that we were marrying for life, and since no one held a gun to our heads and made us marry the men we chose, we opted to stand by our choices. We used to say "for better or for worse." Of course, everybody thought it was going to all be better, but alas, some of it turned out to be a bit worse than we had anticipated. Still, we have stuck with our choices. I bet your mom is one of us.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:55 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Sadly, anonymous, I agree with you. I don't think my mom will ever leave him. She's threatened and talked about it but I don't think she'll ever leave him. He's got too much control over her and it's sad.

    Answer by Imogine at 6:56 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • My mom has hit my dad and treated him like crap my whole like, she is a terrible drunk and will never change. My dad blames himself for not ever leaving, she's been spoiled since being with him, for the last 25 years he has: Paid every months rent, every single cable, phone, her cell phone, her insurance even her visa bill!!! And has even bought her two new cars. He's is severely ill with cancer and I've told him many times to leave her. I wish he would have, he's too good for her. She even went as far as telling me that she had me to keep him, and said she loves him way more then me 'cause he came first. I still think I had a great childhood 'cause he was the best dad possible.

    Answer by Lizamafers at 7:53 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

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