Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

HELP! Why can't I be thankful for what I have?

My husband and I each brought children into our marriage. He had a Vasec. & doesn't want more kids. I knew this entering into the marriage and felt sad but knew I loved him more than I wanted another child. Now I feel so cheated out of the bond I want to have with him, out of experiencing a wanted and planned child that would be with someone I love so much. It stings to know that he had a child with his ex despite his better judgement (he lives w us) and how he has cried when he told me it was the one thing he couldn't bring himself to give to me.
I try to rationalize it to myself that we don't have room, we are in our 30s, a vasec. reversal is so expensive etc. But the desire is still burning and I dream about what our child would look like or grow up to be one day. I dream of holding this phantom baby, his baby, in my arms only to wake up feeling depressed and empty. I dont understand why since I have 2 kids already. HELP!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:28 PM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • I would talk to him about it...let him know that you were fine with it yet now you're wanting this. You can expect nothing unless you try to talk to him..
    GL :)
    alinker

    Answer by alinker at 8:41 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • We have talked about this several times together and he completely understands my feelings. I also understand his. He has absolutely no desire to have another baby with anyone at all. He doesn't want to go back to that stage and I get that, his youngest is 9. He did the infant stage with very little help and he also worked full time so his memories include lack of sleep, a crying baby, dirty diapers and a crumbling marriage.
    Meanwhile, I missed out on all of the good feelings and experiences of pregnancy due to an already broken marriage. I don't have the positive feelings of pregnancy or being a new mom. I was looking for a way to escape with a newly added complication. I didn't enjoy the early years and they are gone now. I would like a do over on motherhood just like I was given a do over on love and marriage. I feel like it is so selfish to carry this in my heart knowing my husbands feelings. I don't want to want this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:03 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • This sounds serious and a bit out of control. sorry. Not bashing but it's a bit obessive to focus on this one thing and cheat yourself out of enjoying what you do have. Perhaps you could talk to a pastor or counselor about it.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:47 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN