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Ive never been so lost????

im currently engaged to be married but im starting to think its a big mistake. See my fiance has 2 kids with his ex wife and she causes alot of drama for us. We have been together for 2 1/2 yrs and she texts him and calls him all the time talks to me like they are still married and the whole nine yards. Im so confused because his boys dont listen to me at all so that makes things harder on me. I dont know what to do i dont think i can handle this for the rest of my life. And my fiance says he will fix things but ive heard that for 2 yrs now and its not changing. To me marriage is a big step and i really did believe things would get better but they havent. I really think that my hate for the drama and the frustration is taking over my love for him. I feel as if none of my opinions matter to him. See he has anxiety and and he gets panic attacks so i dont know what to do cuz he says he cant live without me. I dont want to hurt hm

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tber22

Asked by tber22 at 11:09 PM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (4)
  • Oh you don't need that. Try this. Tell him you are not going to see him for a bit (like6 weeks) tell him in that time he needs to axe the ex and straighten out the kids then you guys can try again if there is not significant improvement by then it's over completely. In this 6 week time period DONT communicate with him at all and at the end you contact him and ask if he is ready to try ot would he prefer to move on?
    MELRN

    Answer by MELRN at 11:14 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • You are very correct in your assumptions. If it is not handled now, it never will be. It's a very difficult thing to come between two parents. They are parents and they need to communicate and get along very well, in order to avoid crap with their kids. You have to accept that, go along with it, or it will never work out. You cannot say she is texting or talking to him too much, that is not your decision. Kids will always come first. If you can't handle it, or don't like it, now is the time to come clean.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • It's good you are realizing this before the marriage. If the only reason to continue on & marry him is simply because you don't want to hurt him, that is bad & it's not good enough to continue in this relationship (IMO).
    oahoah

    Answer by oahoah at 12:10 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • My hubby was the same way with his ex. I still married him and the first 6 yrs. of our marriage have been very difficult. I have told him that I want a divorce, twice. He always tried harder and made more changes so that I would stay. so, here we are 8 yrs into our marriage and they barely talk anymore, ONLY when it is needed about the kids. She should not be texting him like that, that is not okay. She no longer has that right to him, that right is now yours. If it's about the kids and not an emergency then the talking can wait until pick up and drop off for visits. If it's an emergency or very important then I have to understand. If it is too much and you are uncomfortable with it then, yeah, I say get out now! Cause I gotta tell ya, it's a lot of hard work, and tears and frustration.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:05 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

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