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So Many Years Later...

I am now 21 years old, have a 16 month old daughter, and I am engaged. When I was 4 I was sexually abused...by my cousin, he was 16 @ the time. I was just a little girl, and didnt know how to tell anyone about what was happening to me. But as I got older, I remembered every detail, and relized how wrong he was for doing this to me. And II have relized how it has effected me in many other ways as well, my self esteem, my mental health, and my sexual health. Still to this day I havent told a soul what happened, because it sickens me, it was horrible, scary, and most embarassingly, incest. What can I do now to help myself recover?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:31 PM on Apr. 23, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Thats horrible. I'm so sorry for you. Youre in my prayers. Try a councilor or if you believe in God try a relationship with Your Creator
    MELRN

    Answer by MELRN at 11:35 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Talk to a therapist and your fiance. If he loves you, which I'm sure he does, he will help you through this and give you comfort and support. You need to recover from this, and you shouldn't be at all embarrassed by this or anything of the sort. It was NOT your fault, nor could you have avoided it at such a young age. You've already taken the first step by telling the world online. You can make the next step by talking to a counsiler(SP?) and your fiance. I wish you the best and my prayers go out to you! =]
    mommykayti

    Answer by mommykayti at 11:37 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I went through the same thing as a kid, except it was my brother. He was 9 years older than me... I was 4 when it started and 9 when I finally put an end to it... He would threaten me and tell me that if I told I would be in trouble. I'm 24 now, and I'm finally starting to accept that this was not my fault. My sister knew because I told her when I was nine, she is 3 years older than me, and she actually told my brother that if he laid a hand on me again she would kill him. She is my hero because she made it stop. I understand completely what you are going through. I finally told my mom when I was 20 and she did not know what to do with the information I gave her. I expected her to take legal action and help me to recover, but it was so many years ago that she did nothing. She told me that I need to forgive and move on. It broke my heart that she dismissed me that way. But I sort of understood... I used to have ---continued
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • flashbacks when I first became sexually active, and it completely ruined my sex life with my first love, because I couldn't get past that feeling. Finally I decided to go to therapy, and it helped so much...I still have that feeling of hate towards my brother, and escpecially now that he has a daughter of his own!! ( I worry so much about her) Right now my neice is living with her mother...Thank God, and my brother rarely see's her!! I'm so sorry for what happened to you, you really should see someone and try to recover. Finally I am in a good place. I am in a happy, healthy relationship...we have talked about what happened to me, and he knows the things that triggers me to have flashbacks, so he doesn't do them. Please seek help, I wish you nothing but luck!!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • Thank you ladies so much. I know know Im not alone. I want to tell my mom about this but I keep thinking that she wont beleive me or something. Or she will be mad at me for not telling her when it happened. And if I do tell her it is going to be a really touchy subject because his mom (my cousin) just passed away, and that was my moms sister who she was very close with. So I really dont even know how to go about talking to my mom about it...

    But thank you so much to those of you who replyed. Is it possible to take any legal action so many years later?
    tiffers32788

    Answer by tiffers32788 at 11:51 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • btw i did not mean to post anon when i asked this question.
    tiffers32788

    Answer by tiffers32788 at 11:58 PM on Apr. 23, 2009

  • I am so sorry. I know it dont make it better to hear that but I am. You could go to a therapist if youre confortable with that. There are online support groups for that as well. The best thing you can do for yourself is to come to terms with the fact that it is NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong and you did not deserve that. You sound like you are blaming yourself for feeling the way you do, if this is the case dont! easier said than done right... if you find yourself not coming to terms that is not your fault, then forgive yourself (although I believe you have nothing to forgive yourself for). Use your baby as your strength if it helps, know that you are a good person that made that beautiful baby and you have nothing to be sorry for.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:27 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • It took me 35 yrs to tell anyone. Telling us now is a great start. You would have to check your state statute to see if the statutes of limitations is up on prosecuting him. You could call the local rape crisis center and see if they know. It's possible you could google it and find the answer. You could also call the state prosecuting attorney's office and ask. Hugs. Now that the burden of telling is off your shoulders it will get easier and you will grow stronger, self esteem will return.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:56 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • i know it sounds weird. but therapy i was malested when i was 12 by my step dad and i still havent told my mom and i am 19 and i just had my first kid. and i am going to couples counseling and it just came out one day now i feel like i can finally breathe. just try talking to someone you can trust.

    good luck
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

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