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Basically, I need to hear from someone who STAYED with a cheater and worked on their marriage?

How do you deal with the pain, hurt and betrayal?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:57 AM on Apr. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • One day at a time.It will get better. I promise.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:58 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Not me. I hope I never will either.
    BingsMommy

    Answer by BingsMommy at 12:59 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Im still dealing with the pain and betrayal, we are going to couples counseling also. Right now Im dealing with dreams I hate it!!! you just need to talk to him when those nasty thoughts come creeping up out of nowhere. Someone said have faith and thats all you can do its easier said than done and like I said im still dealing with the pain it hurts that i dont trust him anymore either
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 1:01 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • I stayed for years and dealt with all that goes with it then found out he was doing it again and again. I finally left. For those who are still with a dh that cheats, there are plenty of books and sites for support. My dr said she joined something like surviveinfidelity.com. Do a search. There is so much cheating going on that I am sure you will find a group near you. Maybe you'll even find the women there he cheated with.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:03 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • They say once a cheater always a cheater, well in most cases yes. But I believe that there are guys out there who have cheated and are truly sorry and would never do it again, just like some women have cheated and they have felt so bad they too will never do it again. If you feel that your husband is truly sorry than i agree with giving another chance, my SO showed that hes truly sorry he;s the one who got online for the couples counseling how many men do that?!?! =)
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 1:08 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • But it is a very long process to get over, ive heard of couples saying that their marriage is even stronger since the cheating
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 1:08 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Yeah, I got that, He actually got online and got the couples therapy for us and we have been going, BUT and this is a VERY BIG BUT, it happened more than once, AFTER I FOUND OUT THE FIRST TIME, he said he was sorry but a few weeks later, he started talking with her again. This is why I am very hurt. He lied many many times, and he says to give him one more chance, but how many chances does he get before he STOPS???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:16 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • I think that one chance is enough. Some men find it addicting, or they develop an emotional connection with the other woman. I would definitely get out if he doesn't seem sorry for what he did. Men know how to play on our emotions. They sometimes know how to tell us what we want to hear, so look for actions. That is what matters. If he is serious he will not talk to her again. He might even be willing to move, change his job, change his phone # or do whatever he has to do to get out of any possible situation where he will see or talk to her again. Stand up for yourself because otherwise he will lose respect for you. "one time, shame on you, two times, shame on me". That is my motto when it comes to cheating.
    bellasrose71008

    Answer by bellasrose71008 at 1:23 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • I did, but I don't think I made the right decision. I wanted my kids to have their father. He never admitted to it even though his girlfriend called me all the time. To stop myself my hurting I had to stop loving him and now I just can't get back to that place . I still want my kids to have thier father because I can just about guarantee he wouldn't spend time with them if I left.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • I told Rob that if he cheats again no matter what the circumstances are that Im gone, i gave him another chance and thats all he gets! I sometimes ask myself why am I putting myself through this torture? i sometimes feel that it would be easier to deal with the pain of not having him in my life as a lover (were gonna have two boys, so he will always be in my life) but if they say sorry and do it again they are not truly sorry like bellrose said, men know how to pull our heartstrings and they do say what we want to hear
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 1:36 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

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