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Should you come down on a teen for doing something you did?

Ok so when I was younger I smoked pot... that was the only drug i have ever done. I dont feel that i should come down on my teen if they do it. I think I should talk to them about my experiences and educate them on the subject. I was smart about it tho.... well as smart as you can be. I did it indoors... i only bought from ppl i trusted and i did not make it a life consuming habit. I drank when i was a teen, my parents knew. They would pick me up after drinking if i called them and wanted to come home, nothing was ever said. I did it with a few friends, indoors, and there was always a sober person should something happen. I never got into a car if someone was drinking. I did not leave unless it was with my parents. Pre-marital sex - guilty. That was regretful and I would tell them that... what do you think?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Apr. 24, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • Hm. I dont know, my mother was 17 when she had her 1st.. & here I am, just in time, despite how different me and my mother were as teens. She did a lot of things as a kid that I never did. I get good grades, for the most part I do my chores [my room is. a COMPLETELY different issue.] She found out I was pregnant when I was about 27weeks [I am a bit small, people tell me]. She cried, but she accepted it. She actually handled it like a Cosby. I thought she would flip, but she was very supportive, and when I had planned an open adoption, she opted to keep the baby. Now I'm almost fully prepared and ready to take on motherhood [due June 9th], and its because of her love and support. Had she reacted the way I thought she would, I would not be as stable, responsible, clear-headed as I am now. A lot of the shame and disappointment I felt in myself, dissipated because of her encouragement and understanding, not her ability to yell.

    Answer by AutumnAwe at 5:31 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • I think that would give you even more of a reason to come down on them!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Just because you did those things does not mean you should condone or accept it from your teenagers. The point is that you made the mistakes and learned not to do those things. This is what you should teach them. I set very high standards and tell my kids I expect them to live up to them. i also tell them the risks and consequences or doing the wrong things. So far it has worked for mine

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 1:18 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • O and i forgot to add another reason why I wouldn't some down on them... when I was young I was VERY rebellious. not to be an awful kid but bc i felt things should have been compromized. Curfew for example, I had a curfew until i was about 15 or 16. I decided I had enuf. I got As and Bs in school and I never got into trouble. I felt I deserved and earned some freedom. My parents got sick of it and finally decided to listen to me when i expressed my concerns... I did not have a curfew ne more. But if I was going to be out after 10 , call. When I was 17 it became 12. If i was going to be out later than that all i had to do was call whether it was a school night or not. However i respected that it was a school night and i was home AND in bed before 10. The only time i was out past midnight was on weekends if i was spending the night. In that case I gave #s and told them where I would be.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:21 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • okay if i have a daughter ESPECIALLY (but i willl lecture my son too) i will say:
    if you feel the need to try pot come to me first so i can insure you arent getting anything BUT weed (aka not laced)
    please dont have sex until you are ready for a responsibility bigger than your own life and if you do FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY use protection, because as much as i will help out it will be your child and your responsibility
    if you have to drink do it at my house where i can take all the keys because i do not want you or your friends drinking or driving and killing yourselves

    these are just a few ideas, i want my children to live but also know the consequences of things i have witnessed (personally i have laid TOO MANY good friends to the grave from drunk driving) or have been through.

    Answer by aliciatron at 1:24 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • i dont believe my drinking and smoking pot was a mistake. just the sex, and only bc now that i have a husband who was a virgin when we got together i feel quilty that i wasnt. but i dont think it was wrong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • I dont think that you should say that you accept it, but talk to them about it, I mean at least you realize that if they wana do it they are going to but still tell em you dont want them to do it, if thats how you feel of course, or you could be one of those parents who totally smokes with them! (my friends parents used to smoke us out all the time)

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 1:27 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • So if you did cocaine or heroine as a teenager would you think you shouldn't come down on your kids for that either? I know that I wouldn't allow or approve of my child doing ANY drug, pot or otherwise and if I ever caught them doing this they would be in HUGE trouble regardless of the circumstance. As far as the drinking goes, I wouldn't approve of that either but I would let them know that if they DO drink, that if they call me to come get them instead of making an irresponsible unsafe decision, that they won't get in trouble. And as far as sex goes, I lost my virginity at age 15 and realize that abstinence is just not realistic anymore so I would want them to be as honest with me as possible about that and I will do my best to educate them on how to be safe and let them know that if they screw up there are major consequences.

    Answer by Ash9724 at 1:36 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • no i dont think i should come down on them for that. i should educate them and get them help for hard drugs... that is different. And you might have some MAJOR problems with your kids if you come down on them too hard. In that situation they need understanding, compassion and help. and you cant stop a kid from drinking unfortunately. I just hope my kid is smart about it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:57 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • my son has smoked pot, and has gotten drunk several hundred times. i have also in my past done that plus more. i have talked to both my children. my son is the only one that has taken the same path i took. i have him in substance abuse counsleing now. he was clean for 4 months than 2 days ago he came to me and told me he smoked a joint. i talked, and talked to him. but as u can remember when we were teens we thought our parents didn't know anything. i told him if he couldn't stop on his own that i would put him in a rehab. he don't like that idea, because him, and his sister had went to rehab with me when i was getting clean.

    Answer by okc-mom-2 at 8:24 AM on Apr. 24, 2009