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need some opinions

So here is the situation. My husband (a general contractor) can not find enough work to support our family anymore. (Stupid economy). So we decided to take it as an opportunity. No big deal, I'll go back to work. And he is going to do a little soul searching and maybe switching careers. I have been looking for about a month and can't find anything in the state where we live. So I started looking out of state.

This is where it gets sticky. DH is in a band which is just finding some success. All the money they earn goes back into the band. Its not a lot of money. DH needs me to find a job in a place he can easily travel back for practice and shows. He would be here 3-4 days a week.

Tomorrow I am turning down a job that is too far to drive and to expensive to fly frequently from.

Answer Question

Asked by jcsscfam5 at 1:40 AM on Apr. 24, 2009 in Relationships

Level 5 (87 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • If we don't make this work, I know he would be unhappy and resentful. But sometimes I feel like he is asking too much of me.  I understand he can't find work.  It isn't his fault.  There isn't any work in his industry right now.  But how am I supposed to step up to the plate, find a job that supports our family, and accomodate his dreams? 

    So my question is do you think he is asking too much? How far would you go to accomodate your loved ones dreams?


    Answer by jcsscfam5 at 1:42 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Be patient. You've been looking for only one month. The perfect job that will suit all of your needs may be just around the corner. Too soon to get stressed out. I think things happen for a reason. And you sound to me like you both have pretty good heads on your shoulders. Hang in there, support each other. Good luck.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 1:51 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • I think now is not the time for him to live out his dreams. Your family is in a real bind and you both should be actively searching for work before you fall too far to catch up.

    Answer by Magpie75 at 1:51 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Which is more important? Can u live on his dream alone? To me the money would be more important. My hubby has an empensive hobby. I told him as long as the bills were paid it was fine. We used to live in another state, we both had jobs, but we weren't quite making ends meet. We moved to another state, he now has a better paying job, and I don't have to work anymore. Anyway, I think you should just get your prioritys straightened out. It's hard, but sacrifices have to be made.

    Answer by NicMorgan at 1:53 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • If this is a job that you really want, and the band is something that he really wants, I think you all need to compromise. Because to ask either of you to just give it up could, in the long run, cause problems.

    How about coming to an agreement along the lines of, you will relocate to where the new job is, and he can stay where you all are now (can he move in with a friend short term?). Then, he can focus on the band for, say, 6 months, full time. If, at the end of that time, his band hasn't shown some major steps towards financial success (bringing in income to help support your family), then he will quit the band and re-locate (he can join a band at the new place, too). If it has shown some major steps in that direction, then you can start taking steps to quit your job and move back (finding a job "back home" before you do this).


    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:19 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • cont

    Yes, this will be hard, but it can be done (my dh is military, we live apart for 6 mos or more at a time frequently, and we've been happily married for just shy of 17 yrs now, 19 yrs of military, so it can be done). But, it will give your family the financial security it needs, and it will not make him choose between his dreams and his family.

    Because honestly, he does have responsibilities to your family, so I think setting some timelines and boundaries is not unreasonable. But at the same time, you aren't saying give it up without trying, because, in the long run, would you rather live with this distance between you for a few months, or would you rather risk living with it between you forever (which could happen if you make him give up his dreams, and he resents you, or you stay and struggle more than if you took this job, and you start to resent him.)

    Anyway, just something to consider. Only you can decide. GL!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:23 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Maybe both of you could try getting some kind of temp work until something better comes along? I know when I was looking for a job for several months I did this; you can go to Office Temps, or Labor Ready, and many other places as well. I also agree with the post above about maybe living separate for a while. If he has to give up his dream he could blame you for it for a long time.

    Answer by Rainbowbrite639 at 7:29 AM on Apr. 24, 2009

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