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Tough mommies HELP!

I'm toug but I feel weak now plus emotional. My son grades are B.D.D.F.F.F. Would u have him pay for his tutoring with his chore $/allowance? its about $200 mo. for tutoring. The biggest problem is his attitude. I feel like crying but I'm holding it in. Should we do counseling w/new restriction and punishments?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Apr. 24, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (22)
  • you can do counseling and make rules, strict rules
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:26 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • It depends. Why is he failing all subjects but one? Aren't you helping him with his homework or you don't know the material he's learning? If you don't know the material he's learning then you should pay for his tutoring because that's your job as a parent. If he's just goofing off in class and not doing his work then I don't see how tutoring will help.

    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 5:27 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Sometimes children's grades suffer because of bullies, because of stress in the household(parents fighting, favortism towards one sibling over the other in the child's eyes), there could be a learning disability causing his attitude towards school work. He could be gifted and bored. Have you spoke with the counselor/social worker at school about this?

    As far as tutoring goes, I would definitely sit down with him and explain that you are going to take HALF of his allowance to help pay for the schooling. If his grades improve, you will give that half back after the next report card.(receiving full allowance again). Talk to him. So many of us parents these days are so busy with work, household chores, life, etc...that we forget sometimes to TALK to our children. It's important that you see if you can find out what the core of the problem is, maybe spend more time with him too. If nothing improves, maybe therapy.
    CinderAmethyst

    Answer by CinderAmethyst at 5:36 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Yeah hm. I don't know, I don't have any teens, but since I still fit the age group, I think I can contribute.. There could be a lot of things causing him to fail many classes but one. He could be going through a number of personal changes, socially or emotionally. It also depends on his grade-level and his comfort at school. I remember when I started high school, it was really rough my fresh year and my 80s and 90s shot to 60s in a marking period. If his grades are staggering because of other things besides just not caring, then his attitude towards you might be the way it is because he feels alone, or like you won't understand. We always assume our parents won't 'get it' or can't help. And on top of the things that might be causing him to fail, you being tough on him, might frustrate and isolate him even more. I dont know, us teens are difficult sometimes. But I think before you do anything, you should figure out why.
    AutumnAwe

    Answer by AutumnAwe at 5:52 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • You first need to find out why he is failing all but 1 class. There could be issues that he is afraid or embarrassed to tell anyone. I would not make him pay for the tutoring. Do you help him with his homework (what you understand)? Are you in contact with his teachers or are you just finding this all out? I would sit down and talk to him, be open and honest, don't yell or freak out. Don't accuse or assume anything.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 6:24 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • I work 10 hrs a day. I also found it hard for him to take me seriously so tutoring would be better with someone outside. He is rebelling so maybe bullying or something else. Its that he is not turning in assignment at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • "Answered at 5:27 PM on Apr. 24, 2009 by: legalmommy101 It depends. Why is he failing all subjects but one? Aren't you helping him with his homework or you don't know the material he's learning? If you don't know the material he's learning then you should pay for his tutoring because that's your job as a parent. If he's just goofing off in class and not doing his work then I don't see how tutoring will help."

    I agree with this as well, another question...where the hell are the teachers? And y are you finding out when report cards come out and not when you can do something about it and prevent it? As parents we have to take some responsability too. When I see my son's grades fall or if he has missing assignments I am on email or phone to his teachers..and it's amazing the things your find out.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 7:05 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • A child will may need tutoring for one or two subjects, not all of them. This is a kid in trouble (drugs? dangerous friends? abuse). You need to get him help immediately.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:38 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • maybe he needs help....maybe he has a learning disability?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Ask him why he is failing. Tell him "I don't know isn't an answer" Then listen. If he says it is to hard, ask him to describe how it is hard. Is the work over his head? What is really going on?
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 11:28 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

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