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For those of you who have to deal w/BM how do I regain the respect I used to have before she decided to come back and get involved?

Long Story but I used to get I love you's and respect and now that she wants to be mommy of the yr, Im non exsistant. What would you do? How would you deal with this situation? Please help. Im desperate for suggestions, opions, answers, and ideas. Thanks!!!! Ss used to care and now he acts like he could care less.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:51 PM on Apr. 24, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • Are you asking about the mother of your stepson? The only thing you can do is to continue showing him love. You cannot change his desire to have a relationship with his mother, and you should not interfere with the mother and child making amends if she hasn't been the most stellar mom until now.

    It sounds like you miss the relationship you had with your stepson before his mother decided to change things around, but try and remember that him having a solid relationship with her is just as important for his development as him having a solid relationship with you. You should not be competing with his mom-- you are someone different, just as special, and just as loving. Be consistent in the love and care you show for him, and even though he may not realize it now, he will as he grows up.

    Answer by Busimommi at 7:47 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • im lost..

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • If she's been a nonactive parent, then it's the new car scent thing... once that wears off he'll realize that you're the one that's there when he needs things, the one that's there for the good and bad times and that as long as he's known you, you've not run out on him, and she has for whatever reason.
    Sometimes they have to see the other person for who they are before they realize just how lucky they are to have you. Don't try to come between then, just be who you've been all along if the relationships been good.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 7:48 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • Went through this exact same thing! It is so difficult especially when you know all the wrongs she's done and you ss doesn't. My best advice, which is hard to live by but worth it, is bite your toungue and encourage you ss to have a healthy relationship with his BM. In the end he will see that his SM (you) is a terrific lady and he will begin to tell and show you he loves you again. Right now he is torn bc he feels it would be a betrayal to BM to give/show you how his heart really feels about you but don't worry, he knows who has been there for him. (I have to remind myself of this very thing every day) Best of Luck!

    ps don't forget to continue telling him how much he means to you and how lucky you are to have both him and his dad in your life!

    Answer by haston at 8:27 PM on Apr. 24, 2009

  • I haven't had to deal with a BM, but, as a child, I WAS the "pawn" in a bitter custody battle!

    TRUST me when I say, just keep doing what you've always done. Your love, support and consistency will always shine through--no matter how much the BM tries to "one up" you. Children are VERY perceptive, and they KNOW when someone is being genuine or not. Sure, a child will relish in the extra attention, but at the end of the day, they know who they can REALLY count on!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 10:09 PM on Apr. 24, 2009