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Am I to laid back?

My sons 20 months. he has always had big tantrums. we tried time outs for shotr times, for a little longer times, we tried playpin, we tried light spankings, we tried talking to him we tried holding him secure untill he chills out. Theres never been absuse in anyway hes just a hot head. Maybe hes spoiled isk. but its been so bad lately no means nothing to him even when I get stirn, daddy just spanks and puts him in time out and I dont like it he seems to young and I dont think he fully understands. but he throws himself around hes 33 lbs im not very heavy at all and hes bangged his head into my chest o much lately it hurts liek a bruise. I dont know what to do, I'm a lovign mom but im at my wits end what do I do? other people have witnessed his tantrums and they say be stricter but i dont wanna spank him all the time. he comes to me and loves on me but doesnt listen to me.

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mocamomma22

Asked by mocamomma22 at 1:42 AM on Apr. 25, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (7)
  • he listens to me except when hes throwing himself around. it seems to be lasting longer now too it could go on for 15-20 minutes of literally rollin gall over the floor, swinging at things, people the dog, kicking, all that.
    mocamomma22

    Answer by mocamomma22 at 1:44 AM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • Well, it does sound like he has a bad temper, but I think I would have him checked out by the pediatrician. Maybe there is something bothering him that you don't know about. Just to be safe.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:45 AM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • read the book "positive discipline" its an eye opener. He is so young, its typical for his age. I don't think punishment and spankings work. figure out why he is acting that way at the moment and use it as a learning opportunty to show him good respectful behavoir, a child that acts out is a discouraged child, and punishment discourages him even more. you will get through this. I hope this helps... you really should get the boook!
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 1:46 AM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • I agree with Precious333. What he's currently being taught is that when he feels out of control, his parents act out too instead of taking control of his emotions and helping him deal with them. You deal with your emotions by spanking, but that hasn't helped him work out his. He's young. He doesn't understand what different emotions mean yet. He can't communicate with you the way that he wants to yet, which is very frustrating.
    evwsquared

    Answer by evwsquared at 1:55 AM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • Make sure he is in a place where he is safe and let him have the fit. Give him no attention while he is having a tantrum. Give me lots of praise and attention when he is acting right. It will take a little time and you have to be patient, but eventually he will realize that he gets attention for positive behavior and will throw less tantrums. Tantrums will still happen because they are developmentally appropriate when a toddler gets frustrated because they don't really know any other way to express themselves, but they will be less violent and he will know as soon as you remove your attention that he needs to figure something else out.
    JMmama

    Answer by JMmama at 3:22 AM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • Put him in the corner (or your "naughty" spot) and let him have his fit. Ignore him while he does it. Don't pay attention to him even when he screams for or at you. (keep an eye on him without him seeing you looking your way)

    He knows it gets attention. It's lasting longer because you've let him do it in the past and it gets him attention...even bad attention. That's what he wants...attention.

    There is no reason for him to be throwing the tantrums and he is old enough to be stopped. He is past old enough to understand "no". He is past old enough to behave. Be consistent.
    TiccledBlue

    Answer by TiccledBlue at 6:39 AM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • When he is having a tantrum, remove him from the situation (like sit him on the couch or put him in a corner) --kind of like time out. Make sure he learns that you mean business and be firm. He needs consistency with love. If you give in to him, he won't learn to listen. I agree that positive discipline works well. Also, try setting some boundaries, before he gets out of control in situations that you know are already a problem for him. Like, before you go into a public place, explain what behavior is acceptable. Such as reminding him that he can't run in the grocery store or no pushing on the playground. It seemed to cut down on the outbursts with my own little ones. He may be just testing his boundaries with you so when possible ignore the attention seeking bad behavior and reward or praise the good behavior. Best of luck to you!
    minasmama6

    Answer by minasmama6 at 7:02 AM on Apr. 25, 2009

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