Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If your 18 yo still lives at home, what are your rules?

My DD is 18 in a couple of weeks and going to college locally (boarding) in the fall. She's a fairly responsible kid who doesn't get into trouble, but I fear the "I'm 18; I'm an adult and can do what I want" coming out.

If you have an 18 yo still at home, what do you require of him/her?

Answer Question
 
LIZARD66

Asked by LIZARD66 at 4:25 PM on Apr. 25, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • When ours were pre-college they had tasks they were expected to do. They were expected to let us know where they were going and when they'd be home- this wasn't being nosy, but so we'd know where they were in case of emergency theirs or ours. If they wanted a car they had to get a job and buy it, although we helped with insurance.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 4:31 PM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • I'm only 26. So no, I don't have an 18 year old. But my mom had a rule in her house when my siblings and I still lived at home. If we lived in her house, we had to follow her rules. If we couldn't follow the rules, we couldn't live there. Of course, it was nothing major, like when we were kids...but you know...no drinking or drugs, no parties, no coming home in the middle of the night (home by midnight usually), stuff like that. Mostly just respect stuff.

    momjoy1027

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 4:42 PM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • I lived for a short while in my parents house when I was 18. I had to take my turn cleaning the house, I had to keep my space clean, attend college, have at least a part-time job, contribute to the cooking and buying groceries and buy my own gas for my car. If I didn't go to school, they'd make me pay rent.

    My parents bought me a car (paid cash, no car payment), paid my insurance, and held my health insurance through their policy (and paid my portion of me being on the plan). You can't do this with all kids. I had an understanding and appreciation for my parents hardwork and didn't for a minute feel I was owed ANYTHING. I also did what I was asked and obeyed the rules with no problems. Some teenagers take a long time to gain that kind of reality check. If your kid thinks that you owe them the world even into adulthood, I wouldn't recommend being as "helpful" to them as my parents were to me.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 4:47 PM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • Sometimes the "I'm 18, I can do whatever I want to" reality check doesn't set in until they have a place of their own with a roommate. It isn't until they see how their roommate wrecks the place, doesn't replace anything and has no concept of utility bills or other people's peace of mind that they FINALLY understand why mom and dad had rules. That's when you also understand how you paying the bills gives you the entitlement to MAKE those rules lol.

    My first roommate (college dorm) was a MESS! I felt like her maid. She had no concept of personal responsibility. She kept leaving her laptops on the floor and her dad would just replace them each time she'd accidently step on one. She went through AT LEAST 3 while we lived together. If I were her mom/dad, I'd never have done that. My parents bought my laptop but I had it for years because I appreciated it and took care of it lol.
    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 4:50 PM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • My 23 year old and her fiance' still live here, along with one of their friends. She's really never helped around the house, and I don't see signs of her starting now. I can't stand the constant mess in the kitchen. One thing I have always told my kids is, "I don't care if you are 50, you will never be old enough to talk back to me." They listened to me, for the most part. One day I was annoyed about something...probably the kitchen. My daughter's fiance' said some things that pissed me off. He avoided me for a couple of days, and I finally cornered him. I told him that I respect the fact that he stuck up for my daughter, but under no circumstances was he ever allowed to talk to me like that, unless he wanted a one way ticket out of the house. I've never had the problem again. I wish I wouldn't have always had maids while they were growing up, cleaning up the kitchen should have been one of my rules.
    LoriW

    Answer by LoriW at 7:15 PM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • Our house rules are based on each kid's behavior as opposed to their age. But we have a few hard and fast rules that they knew before they ever turned 18. You must have a job. You may not lay on your butt and eat my food, or consume my electricity etc.. You will either have a part time job while you're in school or you will work full time. You must call or text your mom every 24 hrs to let her know you're okay. You do not have to come home, but you do have to pay 1/4 of the cleaning woman's bill, or move out. You may not own a motorcycle, or anything like it, and live at home. These are not all the rules but, it boils down to; you must begin growing into a responsible individual to remain at home. As long as you do that, you have a home. Also; every kid has one "move back". You have to leave because you won't act right; as soon as you figure it out, you can move home!

    peachqpti

    Answer by peachqpti at 8:55 PM on Apr. 25, 2009

  • The most important thing in our house is we need to know where you are and when you will be home.
    kodamom

    Answer by kodamom at 9:52 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • if she's a good kid like you say, you shouldn't have any problems with her.... i lived with my parents until i was 21 and was (still am) very respectful to any kind of rules they set... i didn't have a set time to be home but i was taking college classes @ night so my mom could work during the day & i kept my nephew (who my sister abandoned) so mom could have a job......
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:04 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • If she is basically a "good" girl, then she probably already shows respect. I'm bet she calls when she will be late, lets you know where she is going, and does most chores to a reasonable degree of satisfaction. Don't create problems where they don't exist. Sit down and have a discussion. It reallly helps to let her know that you are going to treat her as a young adult and here are the guidelines for being one in our house. I doubt things will change much.

    jesse123456

    Answer by jesse123456 at 9:18 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Keep the common living areas clean, contribute to weekly chores, study hard & enjoy life.
    Waxing_Lyrical

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 6:59 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN