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My 16 yearold step daughter wants to go to the shore w/ friends for the weekend

Help, Alyssa my stepdaughter who now lives w/ her mom is going to the shore for the weekend w/ her boyfriend and another couple. Her dad, my hubby is so upset he/we don't feel she should. She has been caught with drugs/alcohol. Her mom said it was ok. What can we do about this? We are so afraid she will get herself into trouble, or worse get herself hurt. What can we do about this, she lives with her mom now, but we have custody. She went to her moms because she said we were to strict. When she lived her we made her do homework, chores, and there was a curfew when she had to be in.(guess thats being to strict) I feel so bad because my husband is just so upset,scared and fustrated. His X wont call him back to talk this over. What can I do to help him get thru this:(


Asked by keygirl28 at 7:22 AM on Apr. 26, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (12)
  • Honestly. I would either go up there and also spend the weekend, or since you have custody, i would tell her she HAS to come home with you. NOW. and if she didnt i would call the cops and tell them the situation. maybe they will be able to scare her into BEHAVING. but if its already too late for that then im not sure what you can do. im sorry you have to go through this, and i hope she gets better. And i dont think condoms and birth control are going to make her any more safe than shes already not. shes drinking, and shes also going to be by the water. what if she drowns? what if the cops get called and she gets caught again with alcohol and/or drugs? it falls back on YOU since YOU have custody. or i should say hubby. its not safe, and you guys need to do whatever you need to do to protect her. thats the role of a PARENT. good luck to you =]

    Answer by mommykayti at 9:24 AM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • Since she is in your custody care, you should have legal say about it. If the mom is refusing to call, and daughter is gone "wild", there are consequences to her actions. I hope it all works out, and I would suggest maybe taking matter to a judge?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:27 AM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • Wait a minute............. You have custody??? This is you and hubbys responsiblty. Not his X. I think you and Hubby sound like great parents. The shame of this is, if something does happen to 16 yo, they will come to you and ask why? Why did you let her do _______? I dont know what else I can say here. i DO KNOW 16 YO Girls can be a handful. Good Luck!!

    Answer by bristle3kids at 7:28 AM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • At least make sure she is on birth control and knows about STDs, and a supply of condoms. I hope she is OK. If she is living at her mother's because she feels you all are too strict, perhaps her mother should have custody and thus responsibility. But that doesn't help because you all care about her. She is too young to be going to the beach as couples. and her history of drugs and alcohol make it even worse.

    Answer by Bmat at 7:59 AM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • YOu need to speak with the judge or the person who legally gave you custody. If BM wants to let her run wild, then custody needs to be transferred to her so she can clean up her messes. You don't want it to come back on you. Poor dad, he must be really hurting right now.

    Answer by momofsaee at 8:16 AM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • I would find out where she will be staying and show up and pick her up. First thing Monday morning I would be making an appointment with my lawyer, and a counclear. Sounds like she needs some help. Good luck, hope it all works out!

    Answer by AnnHenderson at 8:30 AM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • She is 16 yr old, and you can't treat her like a 9-10 yr old. " no" is making it worse, you and the DH may try to talk her over for staying in touch throughout the trip. Your DH can leave a message to the bio- mom about having a deal on she needs to answer the phone and what you all can do on keep the girl safe ( please be reasonable on no drinking. You know she is going to drink, just don't drink and drive or out in the water).

    you can be a strict parent and still reasonable.

    I still remember when i was teens. If you give me choice, i may follow but if you say no.You are fuxxked out of my life, dont' tell me what to do when you want me act like a young lady.

    Answer by yoshiki56 at 8:40 AM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • Don't forget about the condom or offer her the birth control pills. The sad part is they are going to have the crazy night out by the shore.

    Answer by yoshiki56 at 8:42 AM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • I don't think that buying her condoms and BC is the answer.

    Answer by RunninRagged64 at 9:27 AM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • Do not let her go. If she goes, call the police and have them arrested for under age drinking.

    Your husband will wind up a grandfather next year, have a kid in a coma, or some other disaster.

    Answer by rkoloms at 12:02 PM on Apr. 26, 2009