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What would you think?

I was talking with my boyfriend last night. We were asking eachother questions just for fun. I asked him what made you decide to ask me to marry you? His responce was "Because I was tried of being lonely." I am very hurt and upset about his response. I cannot believe that he said that. Today I gave him the ring back and told him to ask me again when he has a better reason. Do you think I am overreacting? He lives with me, would it be wrong of me to ask him to leave? I really need some help here. I am not going to marry or be with someone just to fill some void in their life. Please let me know your opinions, please no bashing, Thank you.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Apr. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Yea men are not very good at coming up with good reasons for such things... When I was prego, my man would tell people that "he figured it was time to grow up" or "everybody else was doing it" after he had made this comment to several people (mind you, I was pregnant and hormonal) I told him, if I knew that you just wanted a baby cause everyone else was doing it, I would have never gotten pregnant. I thought we were having a baby because we were in love, and ready for a baby!!! So after I said that to him, he realized how ridiculous he sounded, and I started hearing better reasons, when he was talking to people... Men just don't get it, till you tell them how you feel...
    pamelajqs

    Answer by pamelajqs at 2:09 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • Tell him I'll marry him. I understand what he's saying and he's an honest man. I would rather hear honesty than bs "i love you" crap that they normally don't mean. They just say it bc they think we want to hear it. I like the guy. I think you would be a wise woman to stick with him
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:09 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • By the way, I wouldn't throw him out. He probably wants to say the answer that you want to hear, and he probably feels it inside, but doesn't know how to express it to you...Good Luck.
    pamelajqs

    Answer by pamelajqs at 2:10 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • Keep communicating with him. Tell him how you felt by his remark. Men sometimes are clueless as to what to say, or how to say it.  He could of been tired, watching TV, not in a serious mood, and so on. I wouldn't jump the gun. Keep talking to him about it and see if he understands.   You will find after marriage you will need to teach you hubby many many things.  Good Luck!

    CloverE

    Answer by CloverE at 2:12 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • Men do not know how to analyze and articulate thier emotions the same way that we do. That´s the best way I can explain it. If you really think about it in a different way, what he said was completely valid. Don´t you also want to marry so that you have a companion for life and will not grow old lonely? He was simply expressing that part of it. I understand why you were hurt. You wanted to hear that he loves you and can´t see himself spending the rest of his life with anyone else, right? Trust me, he does feel that way or he would not have asked you to marry him. My advice to you is to apologize to him for overreacting and tell him that you want to marry him because you love him more than anything and just want to know that he feels the same way.
    moniquinha

    Answer by moniquinha at 2:20 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • No, I do not want to marry someone just so I will not be alone for the rest of my life. This man has done nothing but lie to me since we got together. I am so sick of always being the one that has to "let it roll off my back". It is never his fault. Some women make men out to be these big dumb creatures that dont know any better, that is BS!!! They know exactly what they are doing. I have been married and divorced. I am not going to let some man run my life again. I am not always going to be the one giving. I have done that for most of my adult life. And I am not going to try to make him say what I want him to say. He asked me to marry him because he was tired of being lonely, not because he loves me or he just knew I was the one. His first response was the need to fill the void of loneliness. I am simply not the one. I am not going to settle fot that in my life. I deserve so much more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • So why did you ask for opinions if you already have the answer, my dear? If you feel he does not really love you, then you are absolutely right, you should not marry him. I was simply trying to point out that everyone, to some extent, wants to find a partner for the purpose of companionship. And if you deny this, then you are just lying to yourself. Do we want a lifetime companion that we also love and have a lot in common with? Of course we do. If you think that's not the case with this guy, by all means lose him, but don't persecute him for being honest with you. If you feel you deserve more, explain this to him respectfully and go look for it.
    moniquinha

    Answer by moniquinha at 3:46 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

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