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How do i make him choose?

my husband is always playing video games and sometimes he is lazy as a father and a husband, i love him and always will. sometimes he will play until bed time and then when it is time to go to bed he says he is to tired to help with the baby, so i end up doing it alone and to tell you the truth i am exhausted and feeling used, all i do is clean up after him and its a constant struggle to get him to help. and when i do he only does one chore. sometimes i feel since our son was an accident that he blaims me that he had to become a father so early and i feel like he is punishing me for it. how do i talk to him without saying he is a deadbeat.?? please help i feel like i might lose my mind.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:23 PM on Apr. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • how old is your husband
    angel_megan

    Answer by angel_megan at 6:26 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • uh he had to have SEX to make the baby too not just you. he needs to GROW up & ACCEPT HIS responsibility in this. It takes a sperm & an egg to make a baby. . .grr MEN!!!!
    ColtsFan1912

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 6:26 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • Ive talked and talked and lectured and lectured until I'm just blue in the face! My husband likes working on cars and he is building a custom truck which when he isnt at work gets all of his attention. I rarely get help with our son and I always feel that we come second. The cars, his friends, and his truck which I think he loves for then me sometimes, they always come first! if you find out how to make them listen... please let me know. because everything ive tried hasnt worked yet :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:28 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • i hate to break it to you, but anything you say will sound nagging. i had the same problem with my DH who is military and would complain that he works so he needs to come home and relax, WTF do you think i do all day? who cleans the house, takes care of dd, and cooks your dinner? finally after a year i explained to him that he always complains about what all he has missed in our daughters life b/c of the navy and that when he is here, he is missing it b/c hes being lazy and i didn't feel bad that he was missing those things he missed while he was gone (first words, steps etc...) and it then dawned on him that if he wanted to be part of her life and have her want to spend time w/him then he had to make the effort first. so i really don't know what i'm trying to tell you other than i know how you feel and it sucks
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 6:30 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • i would just say exactly what you said.....
    "sometimes i feel since our son was an accident that he blaims me that he had to become a father so early and i feel like he is punishing me for it."
    that way he knows how you feel, without saying ALL of it.
    ask him if he'll help out more, whether it be with the baby OR the chores. maybe not both. or maybe a little of each....
    =]
    mommykayti

    Answer by mommykayti at 6:31 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • My hubby plays on his computer a little too much for my taste. So I picked a day where we don't watch TV or get on the computer. We play with our daughter, go for walks, play board games, etc. It's really nice. It helps him to see what he's missing out on when he's on his computer too much. I also suggest things that we can do together. I make plans on his days off to go to museums, zoos, bowling, etc. If it's nice we take the dog for walks. I suggest that we play the Wii together.

    He's not terrible about ignoring the house/ family, so for us, it works really well when I just push him a bit. Also if I want him to help, I ask him to do something specific. I say can you change Grace's diaper, or can you grill the meat, take the trash out, etc. However, my hubby works very hard and VERY long hours, so I normally don't ask him to do chores. I have a job too, but it's only part time, so I do the household things.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 6:41 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • i been there too sweety. My ex would go to work then come home and play his video games, go to bed, get up and play his games, go to work, come home and play his games again.... every day it was the same. it got so bad that he would yell at me and call me a C U Next Tuesday just for interupting his video game time to ask what he wanted for dinner or if he wanted anything to drink...
    he slacked off as a husband and as a father and would get mad anytime i brought up how bad it was or when id ask for him to not play for a couple hours.... he said it was because he worked all day, so why should he have to come home and help? i hated it...
    after me and him split up we talked about it, and he ended up giving up his video games.He admits it was a way to "escape" responsibility."escape"stress...it can destroy a marriage if there isnt communication...talk to him...Good luck sweety!
    trystons_mommy

    Answer by trystons_mommy at 7:40 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • leave the baby with him for a few days and take a vacation. when you get back he should apreciate you and help more. if not take the baby and leave. go to a friends for a week until he realizes what you do.
    LotusBlossom21

    Answer by LotusBlossom21 at 11:25 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

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