Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How can he be a dad

my ex is supposed to be getting a divorce and he is an over the road driver. Well the last time he saw his kids was the end of march for about an hour in wal-mart. He came in Friday night and he lives about an hour away from us and he didnt bother to come see his kids. He is still living with her so he was with her and his stepson instead of even trying. My son asked him today if he was coming to see them and he said I'll think about it and now he wont even answer his phone. How sorry low down can someone actually be and expect them to think he loves them my kids are old enough to see how he is but I still see the disappointment on their face every time he lies to them or doesnt even try to see them. they are 16, 12 and 11. I am fed up and just wish he would sign over rights. I have asked him to but he wont. sorry I keep rambling but this is bull$#@t I know this isnt a question but just need to get it off my chest

Answer Question
 
heavenlypeace

Asked by heavenlypeace at 6:37 PM on Apr. 26, 2009 in Relationships

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I wouldn't bother trying to force the guy to be a Dad.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • Unfortunately, you cannot make him be a good dad. Remember: Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad. He will someday regret it, but for now, you can't make him. Just let your kids know they are loved and leave it at that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • You can't force him. He will regret it when his kids stop talking to him because he ignored them. His loss. I recommend not calling to ask if he is coming to visit, let him come to the kids. He has proven he isn't reliable. Sorry the kids have to go through this, but they will be ok in the long run without him.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 7:26 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • have the kids keep journals about their dad, or have them write him letters explaining their disappointment and how they are really feeling... its different hearing it from the kids vs hearing it from the ex.... and writting is alot better than confronting him... itd be worth a try if the kids are willing to, to try and get him to see the damage he is doing... my dad did the same thing with me... didnt show any interest till i wrote him a letter explaining how he made me feel...
    good luck hun and im sorry that the kids are having to experience this.
    trystons_mommy

    Answer by trystons_mommy at 7:46 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • If you plan to keep them from him I would be careful, the kids might end up resenting you.. Just let him take the responsibility, if he doesn't then be there for your kids. If he does then good, but I would make it clear that there has to be a set schedule and he has to live by it. Maybe get an attorney and have it written up, then when he doesn't follow it, keep a record, then take him back to court and have it modified... When deadbeat parents are forced to go before a judge things usually will go one of 2 ways.. They either grow up or vanish... I know it's sad but it happened to my oldest, he hasn't seen his father for 7 yrs....
    4x4mum

    Answer by 4x4mum at 7:53 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • I really do understand your frustration, but what can you really do about it...not much. The fact remains he is their father, and they have to figure out their relationship with him on their own. I know it sucks, but that's just the way it is. They are old enough now to see him for how he really is, and they have to learn to accept it. He's their father, you can't change that now. I know how much it hurts you when he hurts your children, I've been there, and actually still am, but my children are adults now and they deal with their sorry father in their own way. I've often wished I could make him not their father...but you can't.
    robinann5

    Answer by robinann5 at 7:55 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • he doesnt deserve those kids. tell them this. explain they shouldnt try but as they are kids they will. the best you can do is be there when he wont. when there grown they wont care. they will love you and when major things happen hell want to be their but they wont care. its his loss.
    LotusBlossom21

    Answer by LotusBlossom21 at 11:18 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
How do i make him choose?

Next question overall (Food & Drink)
Birthday Cakes