Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Sick Parent.......

Well my dad has COPD and we just found out that he has an anyersm and because he is in stage three with the COPD they can not operate, because he more than likley woul not make it through. We just have to sit and wait. Us three kids and my mom decided that the frame of mind that dad is in not to tell him how bads this is, and to let him enjoy the time he has left with his grandkids and us, well my dads sister says we are completely wrong. Well she has seen him one time in 15 years so I don't think she know him well enough to make that decision. DO YOU THINK WE ARE WRONG? I know my dad telling him could make things worse.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:52 PM on Apr. 26, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I'm so sorry you're going through this. Like teamquinn said, you know your dad better than anyone. If he would be better off not knowing, then I would definitely go that route and let him enjoy the time he has left.
    Littlebit722

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 10:59 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • You know your dad better than anyone. What we think doesn't really matter. But for what it is worth I think you are right.
    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 10:53 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • Hmm this is a tough one. On one hand I think it is his right to know that his situation doesn't have a very bright outlook...I mean it is his life afterall. But on the otherhand if he will be happier not knowing than maybe it is better than he doesn't know. Are the doctors or his sister going to tell him regardless if you and your mom do? If that's the case I would just let him know if he is going to find out by someone anways because he might be upset with you for trying to keep it from him. If his sister and the doctors aren't going to say anything though, than I would just write out all the pros and cons with your family and all come to an agreement about what to do.
    Ash9724

    Answer by Ash9724 at 10:55 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • well if it was my dad i wouldn't tell him because he would get depressed and it would make things worse and very emotional. i would do what you said and let him enjoy what time he has with his kids and grand kids. do what your heart is telling you to do.
    2wndrfl_btrflys

    Answer by 2wndrfl_btrflys at 10:56 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • ITA let him enjoy the time he has with you and your family. You all know your Dad best. Don't let other family members make him upset if telling him would cause him to be a mess. Protect and cherish this time.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 11:01 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • I agree with you, let him enjoy the time he has left on this Earth, enjoy his grandkids and family. Don't leave him alone with sis, she may just tell him.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:23 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • I understand where you're comming from and respect it! But what if it were you, would you want to know, that's your answer because like mentioned above you know your dad!!! However if you think he's best not knowing then just enjoy every minute you guys have left with him and capture every moment with him and the grandkids. My heart goes out to you and I'm sorry you guys have to suffer like this. Good luck take care,and hold no guilt!!! Thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family, God bless.
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 11:25 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • This is a tough situation. If it were me, I would want to know. There are things that I would want to do, or see, before I left this earth. Yes, I may get depressed, and I would sure as hell get emotional, but at least I could face it with full knowledge and prepare.
    This is a very personal decision. Only you really know what is best for your father, family, and your situation. Good luck mama, and stay strong!
    dragonfly7271

    Answer by dragonfly7271 at 11:26 PM on Apr. 26, 2009

  • I think it would depend on the person. We found out my grandmother had cancer approx two months before she passed. We did not tell her. I think she knew that she was dying. I did Meth for five years. At the end, my doctor told me that I was headed to the graveyard. (Literally!!) He said later he knew I was doing something, but did not know what. No one needed to tell me that. Every day that passed, I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker. My point is that I think that people can feel the end coming when it's close. I,myself,would want to know so I could make all the arrangements I needed to make. As far as not telling him due to his frame of mind, I think it is a matter of decision between your mom, you and your siblings. I'm so sorry that you are having to face this. ((((((HUGS)))))) You and your family will be in my prayers.

    zachsmom900

    Answer by zachsmom900 at 12:37 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • I went through the illness with my dad. He was sick with many other problems on top of the COPD and because of those they could not operate. He would have lived had they been able to. I am sorry you are going through this.
    SusieD250

    Answer by SusieD250 at 4:16 AM on Apr. 27, 2009