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Help! am i a bad mommy? what do i do?

Ok I dont know what i should do. my husband has been telling me i have been yelling at my 5 yr. old daughter alot. when he tells me that i open up in response and say well the reason i yell at her is cause that seems to be the only way to get across to her. it true, if i ask her to do something there are times she just ignores me and that just really agravates me so i yell at her and that seems to get her attention. I can go on and on and tell you everything she does but i dont want to write a book. Well my question is am i a bad mommy for yelling at my 5 yr. old? what can i do. i feel bad for yelling at her.

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mommydearestx2

Asked by mommydearestx2 at 1:47 AM on Apr. 27, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (19)
  • LOL YOU GOT ONE LIKE MINE! REWARDS WORK
    2mothershelpers

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 1:52 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • You should probably come up with some sort of other discipline plan to keep yourself from yelling, because no, yelling is not okay. Try being consistent in something else. Sit down with her and have a talk, tell her that from now on your going to ask her ONCE, and if she doesnt listen, she gets a time out, has to do extra chores, gets toys taken away, a spanking, or whatever else would leave an impact on her. Then DO IT. Be consistent, every single time. Ask her one time, and if she doesnt listen, reinforce your rules and give her the consequences. Dont give her more than one warning anymore, and dont yell anymore. Have a talk with yourself too and figure out how your going to stay calm.

    With time and patience, this can and will work! Good luck mama.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • I think we all go through stuff like this, it's like our kids tune us out, so we yell. Then, they "hear" us, so that sort of programs us to yell, which then teaches the kids to only listen to us when we yell, and it becomes this vicious circle.

    A way to help stop this is, when you're wanting to tell her something, stop her, make her look at you - making eye contact - and tell her what you're wanting to say. Then, ask her to repeat it back to you (it doesn't have to be word for word - like, if you say "I want you to put your toys away, then wash your hands for dinner", she might say I need to put up my doll and wash my hands so we can eat", or something like that).

    It's going to take a little effort, but over time, it will help break the habit - it worked with our ds.

    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:56 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • OMG I think we hit a new era!! It's not terrible 2's no more but nightmarish terrible 5's! My 5 yr old has a bad case of no understanding as well. She is teaching my 2 yr old twins all the bad stuff(how to tear down mini blinds, climb up dressers, get in the fridge,ect)! I am trying to keep from yolking her but she's making it hard!!! I love her and understand its jealousy. And for what ever reason the harsh tone does make that body jump in response! I hate yelling as well but I'd rather yell than to strike or hit!!!! I use time out and stickercharts, has been beneficial!! Try it and see how it goes. Lots of luck!!!
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 1:56 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • cont

    Then, when she doesn't do what you asked, she can't use the excuse that she didn't hear you. You simply say, "I told you to do ___, and you chose not to. Now, ____" - insert whatever pre-worked out punishment is, like the pp said, taking away a toy, no tv that night, 5 minutes of time out, whatever.

    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 1:58 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • YELLING DOES COME IN HANDY WHEN THEY DART OUT IN THE STORE, MALL, PARKING LOT ECT.,TRY TO REFOCUS THEM ON THEIR GOALS IN ACTING AND REFOCUS THEM AGAIN.
    2mothershelpers

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 2:00 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • EXACTLY SAILOR WIFE
    2mothershelpers

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 2:02 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • REward charts, time out, putting beloved blanket in the closet for a couple of hours. Be firm, be calm, be consistent and be sure to hug and praise when she is good.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 6:07 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • To ANON 12:58....so, let me get this straight....it's NOT okay to yell, but it IS okay to spank? That is the worst logic EVER.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:33 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Sailorwife has great advice for you.

    And to Anon 633, there is no flaw in that thinking. The only flaw is that if she has waited to spank her child until now, she's going to have an awful lot of trouble with that since her daughter is now old enough to run away, etc.

    Spanking is probably not going to be all THAT effective at this age, but definitely things like taking away priveleges, toys, etc. should be motivational for her.
    fluud7

    Answer by fluud7 at 7:26 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

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