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i was molested when I was a child. Now it is really playing with my mind, how do I get over like my husband says to do?

my dad molested me from the time i was 4 to 12, , I never told her cuz i didn't want to hurt her, and my dad said that she would never forgive us. well now i am 34, my parents are still in my life, recently I have been having I guess you would say normal teenage problems with my daughter. sad to say, she has to live with them to get out of the troble she was getting into. she is safe, she kows everything that happened to me. well my mom and dad are 100 persent on her side, (my daughter)telling my husband and me that we just really are messed up. now my daughter says how happy she is with my mom and dad, I guess more my mom. well now I feel like I am losing my mind. How can the place that sucked for me so bad is where my daughter would rather be then with me. I am so mad at my mom, and now they just don't talk to me anymore. My husband says, get over it, it was in the past. and then he says that my parents are really messed.

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Apr. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • First of all, what happened to you is NOT YOUR FAULT! You were a child. It's your Father's fault. Second of all, what you went through, you cannot just "get over". It's not that simple. I was molested and raped by my Father from the time I was 12 until I left home at 18. I am 27 now and I am still dealing with it. I did report to the police and went to trial and he is spending his time in prison for what he did to me, but it still doesn't make it any easier or make it go away. I have done the therapy thing...I was on medication for a some time there as well. What happened to me will be with me for the rest of my life. I have found closure though, when he was sent to prison. I forgave him for what he did to me, although it was difficult. I could not let him have that control over me anymore. When I forgave him it took away the last bit of control he had over me...

    Answer by boizmom at 11:12 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Does your mom know now what your dad did? I really don't know what to say. The entire situation is very sad, and I am sorry that you were molested and that you are dealing with this situation now. Counseling would be the only thing I can think of that might help. But I think you would all need counseling, b/c it sounds like you each have different things that you need to come to terms with. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 11:14 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • In regards to your daughter...why is she living with your parents? Your father molested you and you allow her to live with him and your mom? I'm sorry, but how neglectful are you as a parent to allow her into the same house with them?? And as for your parents...they are brainwashing your daughter into thinking that you are the one with the problem. GET HER OUT OF THERE!!

    And as for need to seek some counseling. You need to speak about what happened to you...not just here on CafeMom. The statute of limitations as expired in regards to what your father did to you, however you still need to talk about it. There are plenty of online support groups too. If you want any information, please let me know.

    Answer by boizmom at 11:17 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • He's right about your parents being messed up! I am sorry, I was molested by my cousin from 8-10 and it only ended because of my grandpa's death(litteraly bitter-sweet!). My cousin passed last year(he fell off a roof). I felt guilty and horrible for my uncle's loss(but that's me). The 1 thing that disappoints me is that you let her go to your hell!!! I don't care if it stopped, he still is a predator! And the fact that they're 1 big happy family now gives me chills(ever seen nuts starring barb streisand!?)!!! Your daughter is not safe and your mom is wrong! Reguardless of what you might believe I bet she knew(I could be wrong!!!), but I say this because of the way you've been ousted!!! Ask your daughter before its too late! You remember what he was like and can catch certain expressions if he is indeed doing it again! If he never got help for it, he's still broken!!! Good luck and best wishes. Take care and God bless!!!

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 11:19 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • I would get some therapist and if you believe in God I would pray and be spacific with God when you pray only you know what you need to happen in your life. Is it court ordered that your daughter stay with your parents and if you want your daughter home you can always tell someone what your father did to you it is obviously not in the best interest of your child to be living in his home and in his care. You can't just get over this without acknowledging what happened to you and doing something about it. YOUR THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN. :) GOOD LUCK!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Who sent your daughter to live with them? I would never put my child in that situation to even risk it happening to her even if she knew what happened to me, it doesn't mean it will prevent your father from doing it to her as well. I would speak to the case worker or court and get her out of there. Your father is sick and is untreated and has been left unpunished for what he did to you. Even if it means your daughter stay in foster care or with a family friend I would get her out of there. She can live in a temporary home away from your father. Its not your fault what he did to you but not telling and it happening to your child is something you will never get over. Counseling will help you sort your issues out but if he does it to your daughter that may be the breaking point in your life and you could end up doing something stupid to end up in jail and that will affect your daughter even more.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 11:23 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • What happen to you is not your fault. Second it does'nt sound like your child is in any danger but, If she has any issues with your father(her grandfather) you need her to understand that she needs to tell you. For you i think you need to talk with someone who specials in that area. Your husband needs to understand that when something happens like that you can't just get over it. It messes you up in life and just forgetting about it is'nt gonna help you any. GL

    Answer by raemommy at 11:34 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • i also was rapped by someone i didnt just cant get over this it isnt that easy.i think i would approach your father.(MAYBE ITS A LITTLE ANGER COMING OUT IN ME)this situation is what triggered the memories thinking is if he has never gotten help then he may do it again.but you need to get some help.maybe talk to your daughter again and tell her this may happen i assume she is fairly old enough to understand.i think i would tell her hey if your happy fine stay there but this may happen.tell her your door is always open.but YOU get some help.before you start getting anxiety and panic attacks.good luck...

    Answer by raineydays377 at 12:40 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • I was also molested. You will never "get over it," ever, and NO ONE should expect you to.
    Your husband doesn't understand, and he is being INCREDIBLY insensitive. I would really like to slap him, actually.

    As for something that might help you feel a bit better, this is what I did. I wrote everything down on a piece of paper. No real structure, just wrote. When I was done, I read it, and then I threw it away.
    I felt SO much better.

    I'm not sure that will work for you. Maybe part of what's bothering you is the fact that you daughter is there. That would make me sick. It wouldn't even happen with me.
    Honestly, I can't imagine WHY you would allow your daughter to be around your molester. That doesn't sit right..

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:21 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • You never get over it.Its just easier to except what happened,I was molested by my father,when I was younger.I am 50 now and still remember like it was yesterday.And no its not your fault,I learned that its part of my past and just go forward with the future.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:27 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

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