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For the ladies that had babies out of wedlock.

I hear many women say, "I want a baby, but I am not ready for marriage"

IMO raising a child is very difficult, in some instances even more difficult than marriage. What in your opinion, makes you ready to be a parent, but not ready to be married? Let's be constructive, I am not trying to be negative.


Asked by 2-1CavWife at 11:30 AM on Apr. 27, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (12)
  • I was not ready for neither - pregnancy or marriage - but the pregnancy came anyways. So now I am a mother - I think that motherhood is (In most women) an instinct - if it happens, they go into mother-mode. It is what we were built for, to have children and be mothers. Its natural.

    Marriage, on the other hand, we have control over, and nowadays we don't want to get married for the wrong reasons only to end up divorced in 5 years because we find out that the guy we married was a total jerk-off and never really loved us.

    I got pregnant out of wedlock, and me and the father are still together, raising our baby. He proposed to me out of some sense of obligation when he found out I was pregnant, and I told him no. I told him that I wanted us to get married on our own terms, not because some people think its the right thing to do.

    Answer by CarolynBarnett at 11:36 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Some women are financially stable and have their lives together and they don't want the drama and the stress of a man or possibly getting married for the wrong reasons to someone they don't really love just to have a child. I know many women who have babies out of wedlock and do not plan on ever getting married as they don't want to risk a divorce or deal with a man who could use them. Just because they want a baby doesn't mean they are bad for not wanting a man around. Having 2 parents is nice but having 1 without the drama and fighting of 2 is also good. They may also be older and ready for a child before they get to old and think marriage is pointless when its only a ring and piece of paper really. Who says they are not committed to someone and just don't believe in the paperwork?

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 11:34 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • As long as the woman is financially stable, there shouldn't be a problem. But when you're on welfare and 'baby daddy' is nowhere to be found, then I think we have a problem LOL!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • being married, in love, and mature...many things you learn as you go...

    i think you should be with someone because raising a child is hard work and it is much easier when you have someone to help you out.

    but now that i think about it, i don't think you are ever prepared enough for it!

    Answer by nairda at 11:36 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • People are different. You comparing marriage to raising Children is just YOUR opinion. There just might be people out there who make a GREAT mom, but not a great wife. I have a friend who is 41. She has never been married, had no luck. But she is going to have a baby. I think her decision to have a baby on her own is AWESOME, & brave. And i think she will do a FANTASTIC job as a mom. And just so ya know....parenting became MUCH easier when i left my ex husband. I now enjoy parenting a alot more than i did when i was married. Just remember, that people are different. Just becuase something is true for you does not mean it is true for everybody.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 11:40 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • samurai, I was asking the question for personal insight. I am not finger pointing or criticizing anyone for any reason. I know that our country is rich in cultural and social backgrounds, and that people live their lives how it works the best for them. I TRULY wanted others opinions of women that have been or are in that situation. Because I am married and have children, I would like to better understand why some women CHOOSE to have children and not be married. It doesn't make one way right or the other way wrong. It is just life, and I was just curious. Mostly because I never wanted children or to be married, which changed in my late twenties when I met someone. I never wanted to be married, and therefore didn't think it prudent for MYSELF to have children. Now that I am married and have a child, I wanted to know what other women thought. Try not to be so condescending, you might want to re read the question.

    Answer by 2-1CavWife at 11:55 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Some women just never want to get married. My sister and her boyfriend own a home together, and have a baby together, but they will likely never get married. Even if they stay together for the rest of their lives, they wont get married. It's just not a big thing for them.

    Answer by my2.5boys at 11:59 AM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • I believe that God created marriage to have babies

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • I think people wait because planning a wedding with a baby is a pain in the @$$. lol....

    DF and I have been together for 4 years and have a 10 month old son. Our DS came as a surprise, but we were doing nothing to get pregnant nor were we doing anything to keep from getting pregnant. We both planned on spending the rest of our lives with eachother and having children together. We were just waiting to get married until we had the money for a great big wedding.
    We only got engaged last weekend....I can not wait to marry him and to me, our son is one more beautiful thing that we have accomplished together and that we can celebrate on our wedding day. :)

    Answer by jenellemarie at 12:49 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • What does one have to do with the other? 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce, those aren't good odds are they? Being married or not being married doesn't make you a parent. If God created marriage so people would have babies like a previous poster said, then we wouldn't be able to conceive until after we were married. I don't believe I read anywhere in the bible where it says "Adam and Eve were married". Marriage today is a legally binding (life-long contract). Marriage today is based on politics and religion has nothing to do with how marriage was created or why it was created.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 2:54 PM on Apr. 27, 2009