Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Pregnant step daughter

Help! I have an 18 year old step daughter who just found out shes pregnant. She won't work or contibute around the house. She demands that her Dad hands over any thing she wants or needs. She won't follow the house rules. She runs the phone bill up and won't pay. She thinks that what ever she wants to do is fine cause she is as she calls herself "Daddy's Little Girl". She lies about everything. She manipulates her father and I am tired of sitting back and watching her my husband get walked on. How do I get her to grow up and get him to set his foot down? When do I step in? I have a 12 year old son who sees this.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:22 PM on Apr. 27, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (14)
  • Talk to your husband first and ask him if he likes her doing this. Tell him you feel she's taking advantage of him and walking all over him. Tell him you feel she should be responsible for her own bills and needs. Then set an ultimatum: by the end of May she needs to be moved out and self-sufficient. If she's not, then pack up her bags and drive her to a shelter or home for pregnant women. That's what I would do. Just make sure she knows about the move-out or else date and allow her that much time to change. Tell her if she gets a job or at least stops being a brat, then you won't kick her out on her rear, but otherwise it's the shelter for her.
    ACL2007

    Answer by ACL2007 at 12:28 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • My first question is does your husband ask for your advice when it comes to her? If he values your opinion as a partner and as his spouse then you have a shot at making a change. If he doesn't value your opinion as to how this affects you as a couple in your marriage then it sounds like he allows her to act this way.

    If it were me, I would do the following. Change the locks~You wanna live here sweet pea...there are rules that go along with it. Cancel long distance on the phone~Don't like it? Move out. Charge her rent~Since you're all grown up and are pregnant that means there are more to feed, get a job and help out. Do NOT wash her clothes~Eventually when she is out of fresh panties and clothes she will get the hint that being a lazy ass is not the way it goes here. There would also be a curfew. If she wants to stay with you then rules have to be followed. IF not? GO shack up with the guy that knocked you up. Stand firm.
    lilbit022009

    Answer by lilbit022009 at 12:29 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • You should definatly talk to your husband about this. If she is pregnant then responsibilty needs to step in immediatly. I'm 18 and pregnant but i grew up as soon as i left school. I got a job, and i have been working since 16 (currently unemployed due to pregnancy and such) But, you need to show her that she isn;t gonna be daddies little girl once she has a baby cos she will have her own little one to deal with. If she is keeping the baby then she desperatly needs you and your husband to push her in the right direction.
    mum-to-be-at-18

    Answer by mum-to-be-at-18 at 12:29 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Well, if she's old enough to have a baby, do you think she's old enough to be out of your house? Have a calm conversation with your husband (maybe go out to eat without the kids) and explain to him your concerns. Try not to point fingers or say anything insulting/negative. Just tell him how you're afraid that your step-daughter's behavior is having a negative impact on your marriage. The ideal situation would be to have her in her own place (yes, even if you & your husband contributes to helping with the cost.) Not only is her juvenile behavior a bad influence on your relationship with your husband, but her irresponsibility cannot be good for the child she's carrying. If all else fails, try family counseling.
    MommyDumDum

    Answer by MommyDumDum at 12:31 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Good advice....
    She is 18 and with that age comes more responsiblity, as well as does a pregnancy. If your husband is letting her get away with this and knows it, it will be tough. Talk to him, without arguing, and not in front of the children. I tell him that she isn't setting a good example for your 12 year old either. Ask him if he wants to be supporting her baby for the rest of his life too. Because chances are if he is supporting her now that will turn into supporting them both after the baby arrives. She does need to realize that it is her baby not you or your husbands.
    MommaM2

    Answer by MommaM2 at 12:51 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Its time. An 18 yr old can hardly take care of themselves. Most 18 yr olds are pretty selfish and don't really understand that they are asking too much. I had a conversation with one of my kids who wanted something, forget what. I told him he had a job and had to buy his own. He actually told me that I got paid on Friday and he didn't want to waste his money. Oh, IC. There has to be a point in time where you push back and say, no, this is your expense, not mine.

    You and hubby need to talk to each other first and come to an agreement on what you can and will do and what you won't do and draw the line together. After that, sit down with her and write down what her expenses are each month... how much she costs you. Let her know that she will now need to double that so she can afford to take care of herself and her baby. Have her write a list of what the baby needs, then go online and get prices for it all.

    Good luck!!
    7babies4me

    Answer by 7babies4me at 1:04 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • BTW... She didn't get pregnant without help, where is the guy in all of this??? He is legally and financially responsible too!!!! Don't let him off the hook either.
    7babies4me

    Answer by 7babies4me at 1:08 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Oh honey I feel for you. it is bad enough when they are our own kids... hang in there! Where is her Mom?
    njt320

    Answer by njt320 at 7:23 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Well it sounds like she has been allowed to be this way her whole life and so why stop now? It is up to your hubs to make her grow up and be responsible. A little late though since she's pregnant. Once the baby comes will be a total wake up call though. There's nothing like having a baby of your own to make you grow up. At least I hope so in her case. Unless your husband takes a stand, she will continue to do these things and she'll just think you are a bitch because you are the only one in the family who is trying to make her be respons. Tell your hubby to back you up!!
    GMR

    Answer by GMR at 9:50 AM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • At 18 I think it's too late to fix her and I doubt if dad does anything. Just buy some baby clothes and prepare to be a mom again bc she's not going to do it
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:57 AM on Apr. 30, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.