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Do you tell your spouse what to do?

So I asked earlier a question and mentioned video games...I think it's funny so many people tell me to "get rid of the games" or "Don't let him play". They also told me to tell him what chores to do. I have friends who tell there husbands what they can do and what they have to do. Am I the only one who does not want to raise another child? Do most spouses tell each other what they can do? How do you stop someone from doing something they like? Everytime I have to ask him to do chores I feel like his mom. I don't want to be his mom, I love being a mom to our kids, not him.
Would love advice from other mature married people.

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Apr. 27, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Unfortunately some men act like children,and to get a fire lit under their ass you have to nag.Usually its talked over who will do what around the house.Sometimes nothing works and you have to get creative.

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 5:47 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Sometimes, I guess. But if I let him make all of his decisions, we'd be in trouble. I don't know if it's that I tell him what to do, or if it's more that he knows what I'd say, how I'd feel about it. But the same goes for me. He, he actually HAS told me I couldn't do something. But after that, I knew how he'd feel about that sort of thing, and our relationship was worth more than that. So I guess we don't have to tell each other what to do, we just know how well it'd go over, and make a decision on that.

    Answer by Buffie95 at 5:48 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • i don't tell my husband what to do, he doesn't tell me what to do. from raising our kids, to chores to going places. as far as we are concerned we are both adults and don't need another set of parents. i will ask him for help with something and he may or may not do it. so i might have to "nag" a bit if its something i really feel he should be doing, however telling a grown man to do something isn't going to work unless he wants to do it. hes an adult not a kid and even kids don't always listen when you tell them something. all that telling him to do something is going to accomplish, is pissing him off

    Answer by vabchmommy at 5:50 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • I feel the same way. And when I do feel like I'm raising another child, I simply ask or tell him just that. " I am not your mother, and I do not want to have to ask you to do things. You should want to help me, and I need help. It is not my job to clean up after you..." I need to remind him at times, but it all works out. Also, I do not tell him he can't do something, unless it conflicts with our relationship or I feel like it is disrespecting me. If you keep telling your man he can't do something he enjoys, he will end up hating you for it and then he will go out and do it anyway, and lie to you about it. No thanks. If I can't love him for who he is, I shouldn't be with him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • He let me know early on that he didn't want me ordering him around. I told him that things needed to be done and if he would do them without my telling him then I wouldn't need to tell him. So over the years we've learned that if something needs to be done I say that it needs to be done. If he doesn't do it then I ask him once to do it. He usually gets to it after that, although on his own schedule. And he is more careful about observing what needs to be done. But I do not treat him like a child, and I would never order him to not do something nor would I throw away something of his. I wouldn't like if he did that to me, either.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:51 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • I learned not to tell my husband what to do...I ask him first out of respect...if he doesn't do it then I get pissed and tell him what to! not quite that bad, I do ask him what to do most of the time.

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 5:56 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Niether of us tells the other what  to do; we partners not each others parent. I don't agree with any adult that thinks they should tell another adult what to do (and I mean ANYBODY: Parent with grown child, friends, significant others, co-workers, etc.) Unless, one is the boss and the other is the subordinate, or one is paying the other for a service. I just think adults should find other ways of interacting, resolving issues, & communicating.

    love you sign


    Answer by BubbaLuva at 5:58 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Rarely. I tell him "We're going here on Friday" or if something absolutely has to be done during the day I will have him do it. As far as telling him he can't do something or telling him what his schedule is, no. I do not want to micromanage his day...the effort of exerting that kind of control would wear me out not to mention bug the hell out of someone.

    Answer by kabbot01 at 5:58 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • UPDATE Let me clarify: Nagging, asking, all those things for me make me feel like a mom. I ask my kids to clean their room because they are kids and I'm teaching them. Why should I ask a grown man to help clean his house, bath his kids or wash his dishes??? Why should Iask or suggest he do something? If a huge discussion about the topics doesn't work should I really have to re-ask? Am I asking to much?

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • I dont "tell" him to do anything. There are times i ask him to do anything, but I dont boss him around. He's not my child. Nor do I not "let" him do things. He knows where I stand on certain things, and will ask out of courtesy and respect for me before he does something. But we have a marriage, not a parent child relationship.
    I know of several women who boss their husbands around like they cant think for themselves. Then they wonder why their husbands dont want to be around them.

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 6:06 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

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