Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stuck between a Rock and a hard place

So over the last month (since my DH's aunt died) I have been thinking about if something were to happen to my dh and me who would take care of our kids (1 and 2). We don't want them go to his dad and step-mom b/c I don't trust his step-mom and they don't have the same beliefs that we have. I would leave them w/ my mom but she can't take care of them even for 30 mins w/out losing her mind plus I think her role is a Grammy not a parent. His sister would let them run wild. And my brother has screwed up so much lately that I wouldn't trust him to take care of them. So I just don't know who to leave my babies to if something were to happen to us.

Answer Question
 
izzybear0217

Asked by izzybear0217 at 8:20 PM on Apr. 27, 2009 in General Parenting

Level 5 (64 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • a very close friend or cousin? we have a "custody" arrangement if anything were to happen to us. his sister gets them part of the year, my sister the other part. this way our kids get both families still, and both of our sisters would have very diff parenting styles, we think the combination of the two would be a better match than just one of them. (wouldn't be an issue at all but my family is in VA and his in LA)
    vabchmommy

    Answer by vabchmommy at 8:24 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Do you have any close friends that you trust?
    nikkileerue

    Answer by nikkileerue at 8:24 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • Do you or your husband have aunts or uncles?
    cassey.e

    Answer by cassey.e at 8:27 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • My husbands Aunts and Uncles are all in their 60's and live over 2 hours away. And if my mom wouldn't get to see them at least once a week she would go crazy. We have 1 couple that is close friends but they have a 1 year old too and she has A LOT of health problems. If she gets a cold her kid has to go to grandma and grandpas. I wouldn't want to give them more then they could handle.
    izzybear0217

    Answer by izzybear0217 at 8:45 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • You are going to have to come to terms with someone that you think will be able to handle your children if something happens to you. We have VERY close friends that our child will go to if something were to happen to both of us. They don't share all the beliefs that we do, but we have the same parenting style and I know that one more to their brood won't make a difference. They know that we would take theirs in if they were in the same situation.
    coala

    Answer by coala at 8:55 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • When selecting a guardian for your children, you should select someone who is around the same age as you and your spouse, and is actively involved in your children's lives, so that a transition to their care is less traumatic. This person should have full knowledge of the responsibilties requested, and your wishes should be set in writing in a will. You can create a holographic will in most states, but you need to ensure that the will is witnessed by at least 2 disinterested parties.

    You can have 2 parties guide the raising of your children. The primary person is responsible for the day to day well being of your child. The second person, such as a "god parent" can be the spiritual guide for your child.

    There is nothing wrong with selecting someone outside the family. We chose a dear friend of mine whom we know will respect both my husband and my wishes when it comes to raising our children.
    Busimommi

    Answer by Busimommi at 9:36 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

  • For various reasons, we chose a close friend as the guardian for our daughter. The only person we told was that friend. If Howard and I were to both die, our relatives will all get letters explaining our choice (just like in Raising Helen).
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 9:54 PM on Apr. 27, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.