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CAN I DO ANYTHING TO GET MY ADULT CHILDREN TO VISIT ME

They each have their own families and I don't do the guilt trip thing , but being the

good guy is getting me no where and they go to the inlaws on all events. They know I love them and never have said a word but my patience is running thin.

any suggestions out there.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:57 PM on Apr. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Yes, you rip what you saw. I don't know you but I am a child like the one you described and in my case, I tell my MIL exactly that, it is human nature to want to be near the people that we feel most comfortable with and away from who has the opposite effect on us. Maybe talking with your children and their spouses simply asking honestly: What have I done to make you not want to be near me? Have open heart and open mind to listen and be prepared for whatever their feelings are, because at this point you know what they are, they want to be away from you.
    bebita

    Answer by bebita at 1:01 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • go visit them instead of waiting for them to come to you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • I'm 28 and I still don't know what my mom is thinking or feeling!!! I would say: just tell them how you feel and that you don't appreciate being left out. The only way to get communication going is to start it.
    ladyd6280

    Answer by ladyd6280 at 1:02 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • Talk to them and ask them if they will visit you more. My mom gives me the guilt trip all the time and I hate it (she is currently mad at me because I made plans for my anniversary and she wanted to take us out to dinner). I do a lot with my family, I rarely see my inlaws, but when I do see my inlaws my mom gets jealous and doesn't hide it.
    austinsmama1106

    Answer by austinsmama1106 at 1:03 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • yeha visit them do it as a suprise !!!!!!!!!!!! i would be sooooooo happy if my dad cAME AND SUPRISED ME!!!!!!!!! HE LIVES IN TENNESSE I LIVE IN INDIANA! MY MOM LIVES 4 MINUTES DOWN THE ROAD I SEE ALOT OF HER LOL SUPRISE THEM
    ashleystoner86

    Answer by ashleystoner86 at 1:04 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • It can be quite frustrating when only the squeaky wheel gets the attention. You could try just talking to them. It doesn't have to be a guilt trip just polite conversation like "hay how about this year y'all come to my house for a big thanksgiving dinner? I can't eat all that turkey by myself!" or maybe have a pre-party for example if they goto their inlaws for Christmas day then 2 weekends (or whatever timetable works for you) before have your own holiday gathering. You could try using smaller holidays as a reason for an invite, like a St. Pattys' day dinner or big Labor Day BBQ. You could just invite them over when there isn't a holiday. If the goal is just to be able to see them more often then just invite them over. If it seems like they are making excused not to come, then it is time to call them on that and see what gives.
    Tawanda74

    Answer by Tawanda74 at 1:06 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • how is being the good guy staying away? Maybe you should call them every once and a while or maybe you need to go and visit them? Have you ever done anything to their spouses or their kids? Maybe they disaprove of something you said or did, maybe you just need to ask? Life is too short to sit around wondering why, just call and ask, "hey did I do anything to bother you? Not trying to be rude or intrude, but I would like to see you guys more." I know my husband and I avoid his family because they are a bad influence and health hazzard on our dd, they smoke and drink and cuss and are very irresponsible people.
    FLMOM2008

    Answer by FLMOM2008 at 1:08 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • They probably think you don't care so they stay away. Talk to them and see if you did anything that offended if not start being more active in their lives. Invite them over for a holiday and go visit them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • It might be a good idea to talk to them and ask them about it. Maybe they are not sure of you-- if you are busy, or if you would like company that day... If all else fails why not call them all up and invite them over? Plan a nice family day and ask them all to be there. If you are upset about not having them for holidays maybe you should call them early and start planning early. I know in my family I have to choose between my dad, my mom and my mil-- and it is hard. I hate for anyone to feel slighted or for 1 of my parents to be alone on the holiday. Another holiday suggestion-- hold the holiday on an 'off' day-- then there is a better chance everyone can be there. My mil does this for Xmas- she has it the saturday before Christmas- then I am free to spend Christmas eve with my dad and Christmas day with my mom.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:07 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • If they think you don't care where you go for holidays or events, they might think you don't care so they just go there so they don't get in trouble with the inlaws? Or how we do it is whoever invites us first is where we go? Or maybe ask them to consider going every other holiday or something..Or offer to have it on a different day or weekend?
    Ambie0526

    Answer by Ambie0526 at 2:54 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

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