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Anyone else have this issuse with their man?

So my boyfriend was adopted. So he has some issues with families. Now the problem is that he treats my family like crap. They've never done anything to deserve the way he treats them. My family and i are really close but we live in 4 different states. Anytime there is a family function he puts up a fuss about going and acts like an ass the entire time he's there. I don't know what to do or how to get him to stop. Its really starting to piss me off. Any ideas?


Asked by MomCakes at 6:19 PM on Apr. 28, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • CONT

    And this could be why he reacts more strongly to your mom. And even if he doesn't mean to be; he could be jealous of the relationship you have with your siblings, since he doesn't know (guessing?) if he even has siblings.

    Some of this behavior could probably be worked out with good communication and possibly couples therapy (good for any couple, IMO)

    OR....he could just be a controlling person and starting to shows signs of an abuser...Seperation from family/friends, controlling behavior, etc....

    Does the rest of his personality fit that pattern? If not, then it all probably stems from HIS past. Try just asking him for specific points when he says he doesn't like your family. Maybe its just a simple personality conflict...You won't know until you guys talk it through.

    Good luck!

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 8:24 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • Don't take him. Go alone if he doesn't want to go. Maybe he isn't use to the whole big close family so he feels awkward. Is he close with his adoptive family?

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 6:21 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • I agree w brailynsmama08

    Answer by worriedmommy600 at 6:22 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • he was very close to his adoptive father and sister. not so much with him mom. He was adopted at birth. Also this is only my siblings and mom, not uncles, aunts, cousins etc. I don't mind so much if he doesn't go with me, its the fact that he talks shit about my family. Also he gets mad at me for talkin to them as much as i do. When we used to live near one of my sisters he'd get mad if i went to visit her more than once a week. Now that i moved to another state its how much i talk to them.

    Answer by MomCakes at 6:26 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • I should add that I am a SAHM and we just moved to Ohio where i dont know anyone. He has friends out here, I don't. Its really lonely and talking on the phone with my family is the only connection i get with them.

    Answer by MomCakes at 6:28 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • He should never, ever try to make you feel bad for talking to your family, or spending time with them. I honestly don't know what to say. I think I'd just kick his ass, that's for sure. You know him, you need to tell him what he is doing, why it's wrong, and why he needs to stop, in what ever way will get t through his thick head. He should be happy that you have a good relationship with your family.

    Answer by Buffie95 at 6:46 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • IMO its his messed-up way of trying to keep you all to himself. Adoptees can experiance very intense (if misguided) fears about the people they love leaving them. Just like their birth parents. Even if they had a good adoptive family, this issue could still be in his mind/heart. He wants to keep you all to himself, because YOU are the only person that is truely connected with him that he also feels a connection with...even if he loves his adopted family, there still might be some feelings of being "left out". You two made your own family together so now hes afraid to share it. Also, his whole concept of what is a healthy family dynamic could be skewed. Maybe he sees/hears your family talking to you a certain way or acting mean, and it hurts him to see you be ok with it. While you don't see anything out of the ordinary b/c this is how you grew up. Some adopted boys/men carry over "mom/women" issues CONT

    Answer by ozarkgirl3 at 8:20 PM on Apr. 28, 2009