Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How do I handle not being attracted to my fionce?

Please don't bash!!! I feel aweful. We just got done having sex and I think that he has a good looking face but since we have gotten together he has went from 180lbs to 220lbs. I couldn't get off this time. I wasn't turned on. I feel horrible. I don't want to come off as superficial because I don't feel that I am. He complains about wanting to loose weight all the time and being fat but then sits and eats 10 buckeyes in a setting. I don't know how to help him and I can't tell him that I don't feel attracted to him much anymore. I am still VERY much in love w him. Does this sound aweful? I feel bad that I think this...especially for the first time I looked at him during sex and was like....eh. I eat healthy and I work out....I try to rub off on him and its not working...I try to tell him how good it feels to work out and not eat till I am stuffed. Nothing has helped

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:09 PM on Apr. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • You still love him right? Thats all that matters. When I got pregnant, I gained 73 lbs. When you were pregnant and got fat, did your SO still love you? My fiance put on simpathy baby weight when I was pregnant. He still has it. I still love him.

    If its that serious maybe you shouldn't be with him!
    NickysMomma888

    Answer by NickysMomma888 at 9:13 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • The only person that can him is himself.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • I said my my question that I am VERY much in love w him. II never said that I didn't love him because of it I. ts not that...I just don't feel physically attracted to him as much as I did. You can love someone and not be that attracted to them...aparently I guess. Just didn't know if any other mom's have felt that way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:20 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • Just keep encouraging him to be healthier with you.
    If that doesn't work, sit down and in a non offensive way tell him he needs to lose weight.

    Say: "Honey, I love you. You are so handsome to me. But I am starting to get concerned about your weight and health......... "
    MandyOs

    Answer by MandyOs at 9:20 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • OP: I worry about telling him that MandyO. If I was the man wanting to tell the wife she should loose weight I would get so much crap. I understand that to. That is why I said no bashing...its such a sensitive subject....I don't want to have sex as much cuz of it....sucks so bad. I have even started noticing other men more and I even had a dream about having sex w some guy I knew way back.....so weird because I really love my fionce and it seems so wrong to feel that way...ya know?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • Yea, it is a sensitive subject. I have felt this way once as well, so don't feel bad.
    MandyOs

    Answer by MandyOs at 9:35 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • What did you do about it MandyO?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • I just introduced healthier activities..
    Like: "Instead of watching a movie, let's go to the park and play basketball, or take DD for a walk.."
    And also I started going grocery shopping with him and picking out fresh fruits and veggies instead of junk food.
    I just said it was because I wanted to become healthier, and he followed suit.

    If there is any advice I could give you.. it is to not ignore it and "deal" with it.. that will only make it worse. You have to be attracted to your SO or there is no sex life. I hope I helped.. and wish you the best of luck. If you ever need me, message me!
    MandyOs

    Answer by MandyOs at 9:48 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • maybe you should start making his meals, my fiance is like your fiance he can eat ALOT in one setting, and my SO has gained quite a bit of weight also, but i dont know if thats just cause im pregnant or if its his eating habits now. take him with you when you excercise tell him you dont wanna do it alone you want him to go with you it will be a good bonding experience
    Breezy1988

    Answer by Breezy1988 at 10:32 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • u should encourage to go work out with you, cook his meals, and dont buy junk food at all. make it sexy; tell him it turns you on seeing him work out with you and that you will show him how much later....sometime men are like little children, u have to brib them...i totally understand the attractivness issue, its something that can be fixed if you still truely love him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:53 AM on Apr. 29, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.