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military wives. . . .

my husbands deployment is going to be over soon. ..
he is getting more standoff-ish, and he isnt himself.
this is our first deployment, so i'm still learning everything.

is this normal? what can i do to help? We still have a few months, but it is getting closer.
if you would rather, email me at

that way theres no real person info on here? eithor way doesn't matter. ..

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:43 PM on Apr. 28, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • It will be alright. He is probably nervous too.

    Answer by pnwmom at 9:45 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • Yes when the men come home they are a little different. You need to be very patient and take it day by day.
    He's commanders wife should be there for you or help you find help on base.

    Answer by gammie at 9:48 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • you can not judge him until he comes home. He could be depressed that he is so far away and then will be ok once he is home. Just don't push him to talk or anything like that, be supportive and let him know that you are there if he needs you. Check with your FRG and see if they are having a PTSD class. That would help you out immensely.

    Answer by ZaTa at 9:48 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • My husband has been deployed 3 times for a total of 39 months. Towards the end they are wore out, ready to leave and nothing seems to go fast enough. When he gets home treat him like you normally would and don't make a big deal out of everything. The more stress you put on a situation the worse it will be. My husband seems to cause fights every time before he comes home to avoid the what ifs. What if they get extended, what if he made it that far for nothing and doesn't make it home, what if this or what if that. Just be patient with him and let him ease back into the civilian world.

    Answer by brailynsmama08 at 9:53 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • if this was his first deployment (or his tenth for that matter) but really more so his first, he is probably listening to soldiers over there with him who maybe their wife or girlfriend cheated or maybe they have had covos about how all military wives cheat ( i do not believe this is the case however i have a friend in the army he is single but he has told so many of his friends girlfriends have cheated or all together left them alot of them do worry about it) anyhow it maybe the things he has seen over there, or even the things he has had to do over therei will never forget the night my friend called me he was beside himself and really upset, it was the first time he had called from over there in some time and when i was talking to him he said he wanted to die, he didn't deserve to live, I asked what was going on and he said with the things he had done over there no one could ever love him and this and that

    Answer by mrsDcrawford at 9:54 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • through further conversation i found out that two days earlier while on a mission his unit had been confront by a little boy no more then 10 and his unit (im not sure who) had to kill the boy because the boy was straped with a bomb and was coming toward them and wouldnt stop. He said he would never forget that boys face and how he felt so bad because really it was not the boys fault he had been raised believing what he did. You have to remember as a military wife your man has now seen and done things other people would never want to have to do and he is a changed man you need to be supportive and show him your there for him. Make sure he gets treatment when he gets home for PTSD and let him deal with things in his own time and way i think its just as hard being a military wife as a soldier good luck dear

    Answer by mrsDcrawford at 9:58 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • its alot different when they get home, even if they were on a ship and not on land doing everything other groups do. their whole way of living has to change again. and they have their own impressions of how things are going to be when they get home, so they get ideas in their heads too. we picture running to each other and kissing and all that happiness they worry about what could go wrong. will you be there? are you the same? is he the same? what about the kids? will they still love him? these are just some of the things they worry about. when he gets home let him ease back into life w/you and the kids (i'm assuming you have kids since its cafe mom...) don't put pressure on him to do this and that right away. and know that both of you have changed in some ways some small some big. but you have changed and have to get to know each other again. maybe try to see if someone can watch the kids for a night, go get a hotel room cont

    Answer by vabchmommy at 10:31 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • that way you guys get a chance to ahem have fun, but also talk and spend time together as a couple, not as mom and dad and dad trying to make his way back in with the kids. as for getting him back with the kids again, let him just watch from the outside and take the cues from the kids, if they want to hang with dad and not leave his side than let them, if they want their space and time to get to know dad again give it to them.

    Answer by vabchmommy at 10:32 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • You have to take it day by day. They get full of emotions, just like we do. And as said above, rumors go round, minds wander. He will go through a reintegration time, about 2 weeks. It will take time to get back to normal, or the new normal. I worry about when my hubby comes home, too. Honestly, I worry that he won't come home. But I can't think like that. Since you still have a few months left, you should go ahead and start talking to your kids about dad coming home. I hope you have communicated with him as often as possible. I e-mail my hubby several times a day. I figure the more he hears, the less he will feel like he's missing everything. He calls, a few times a week. Maybe try to just keep conversation light, don't ask too much about what he's done, just ask how is he doing. And listen to him. You should be able to pick up on how he actually is. My dad is a Vietnam vet, he talked with my hubby before he left. I think

    Answer by Buffie95 at 11:29 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

  • that helped. His brother is on his 3rd deployment, and has talked with him. You can help your husband, you can't fix anything though. Let him take the lead on things, ya know?

    Answer by Buffie95 at 11:30 PM on Apr. 28, 2009

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